Thrift Store Mama

whyMommy aka Susan Niebur

2012-02-07T21:48:00.000-05:00

My friend has died. My beautiful friend, who has a husband and two little boys, family, friends, and thousands of others who care for her.

I tried explaining to a non blog reader today why Susan Niebur means so much to me. I could tell she was trying to understand, and she hugged me when I got teary talking about how I spotted Mars and Jupiter last night using the Night Sky app on my husband's iPad, but it just didn't click for her. Maybe it doesn't make sense to you dear reader either: how thousands of us could mourn a woman whom we never met in real life.

And that's okay if my friend, or if you, don't understand. It's hard to understand.

But see, we KNEW "whyMommy" her through her blog Toddler Planet. We read her hopes, her fears, and her funny stories. She read my blog and commented several times. We shared a religion and I had a religious experience in her presence. I even ran in to her in the thrift store one time, for God's sake. Don't try to tell me that wasn't divine intervention !!!

On Sunday in church, we sang a hymn and one line referenced "falling into the comfort of the arms of the Lord." For a long time, I prayed for physical healing, for new treatments, for more time for whyMommy to have with her family. Then I added more prayers for comfort, for peace. But this past Sunday in church, that line stuck with me all that day and I prayed that she would feel the comfort of the arms of the Lord.

There are many, many other bloggers out there who can write about her far more eloquently than me. So, I'll just say this.

She had an impact on the way I mother my girls. I will never forget her. I will always remember her family in my prayers.

Mrs. Quimby's Guide to the Non-Traveling Spouse

2012-02-01T20:55:00.000-05:00

Our family has the blessing and the curse to have a family member who travels frequently for work.

The upside is that Mr. Q. accumulates a lot of FF miles and hotel points. We fly to Alabama a couple times a year and Mr. Q and 1 kid usually fly free. We also generally have enough hotel points for 4 free nights at a nice hotel in the summer and a couple other nights during the year. I also got to fly free to Hawaii a few months ago and we have another trip planned soon where one of us (maybe both) will fly for free.

. . . and that's the end of the upsides.

For years, I really, really struggled with his traveling. Even before children, I would wail and moan about how hard it was to TAKE CARE OF 2 DOGS by myself. (The Gods are seriously paying me back now). I know that there are a lot of single parents out there (some by choice, most not by choice) that have to do this all the time. Even if they have a former spouse or partner that they co-parent with, I'm assuming that Wednesday nights and every other weekend "off" doesn't make up for the rigor of solo parenting the rest of the time. To them, this post may sound whiney.

But for the rest of you in a relationship with an active, committed partner who travels, you will totally get this.

In the past few months, Mr. Q has had a couple long-ish trips (3-5 nights) where I haven't felt like I had been hit by a train at the end. I reflected back on those trips and compiled a list of tips and tricks.

1. Tidy the house and make sure everyone has clean clothes for the duration. If you can, put each child's favorite shirt/outfit in a hidden location so you can whip it out if needed in the morning for a mood change.

2. Grocery shop before spouse leaves.

3. Hire a 10 year old kid (preferably one with younger siblings or cousins) to come over for the 30 minutes before dinner and stay for 30 minutes after dinner. Our mother's helpers are usually here for 90 minutes. They play with the kids while I finish getting dinner ready, sit with them at the table while we eat, and then play with them afterwards while I quickly clean up. Our girls have several snacks while watching their night-time tv, and Ramona tends to dawdle, so I usually ask the mother's helper to sit next to her and remind Ramona to keep eating. Seriously, that's what the 10 year old does for about 5 minutes and it makes all the difference.

4. Do not deviate from your established family routine. In fact, move the family schedule earlier by 10 minutes. I cannot stress enough the importance of doing this. I will have the girls eat dinner in the car on the way home from an activity rather than eat it late when Mr. Q is out of town. I call myself "The Colonel" when Mr. Q is gone because I am even more rigid than usual.

5. But at the same time, if your spouse travels regularly, build in a small, extra fun event that doesn't tax the schedule. On the last afternoon/evening before Mr. Q comes home, we go out for ice cream. It's something we all look forward to and it marks the absence for them so they know that they can expect him back the day after we have ice cream.

6. Let your child lead whether they want to talk to the parent. We exchange text messages or e-mails with Mr. Q, but the girls don't talk to him on the phone. It makes him feel sad to hear their voices, and it sometimes makes them sad too, so I don't like to risk it.

7. Have some "tantrum breaker" items on hand. A small toy, a new book, a special snack. But for heaven's sake, don't bribe with those things. Just pretend to "find" them when an unreasonable tantrum is imminent. For example, if Ramona starts to fall apart because she is insisting that she is a teenager and goes to high school and Beezus is refuting this "fact", I'll call out from the other room, "Oh my gosh ! Where did this come from ?!?! FIG NEWTONS ?!?!" or "BLUE APPLESAUCE" or "BISCUITS" or "NEW MARKERS" and they'll both come running in all excited. This has to be used sparingly lest they become wise and should be saved until the last day or two.

8. Try not to schedule anything too important in the morning, but if you have to, ask a friend to take your child to school or to the bus stop. Those precious few minutes can make a big difference.

9. Have something special on hand for the stay at home spouse, too. A magazine, a special show on the DVR, or a snack. I forgot to get myself special treats this time, so I've been having to make do with the regular old Giant brand ice cream sandwiches, but they're still pretty good.

Mr. Q is due to come home tomorrow afternoon from a 4 day/3 night trip. He's coming from a time zone that is a 6 hour difference, so it will be tough on him for another 36-48 hours after that. This is the first trip that he's been on in a long time, that I haven't felt some kind of annoyance/anger/resentment. I'm trying to think more about why that is, and I've got a couple ideas. It feels much, much calmer.

Last but not least, I want to mention military spouses. For them, long separations are a way of life. All I have for you is many, many thanks for the sacrifices that you and your families make for our great nation.

Unexpected Spontaneity

2012-02-01T09:59:00.000-05:00

So proud of myself. I accepted a last minute invitation for a playdate this morning, even though I had plans for an errand, some tidying and some de-cluttering (all while supervising Ramona).

I was also spontaneous yesterday. Given the gorgeous weather, the girls and I skipped religion class and spent the afternoon at the playground. As a bonus, I ran into a friend that I only see or talk to every few months. I am so fond of her and her husband and it was a treat to run in to her.

Wordless Wednesday: Curiosity

2012-01-25T10:44:00.000-05:00

At the end of our family photo shoot back in the fall.

Awkward

2012-01-04T09:03:00.001-05:00

I'm never quite sure what to do when I'm chatting with someone and all of a sudden, they grab their hip or their purse, whip out a blackberry/phone thingy and start typing. With a phone call, I know to stop talking and wait for them to finish. But do I keep talking while they are typing or wait until they are finished ?

This is assuming of course, that they don't do the proper thing and say "Excuse me please" and then step away for a moment.

What's a non-religious word for miracle ?

2012-01-03T21:01:00.000-05:00

I really hate throwing around a word like "miracle" to refer to things that are no where close to miraculous.

For example, my gray/white roots are approaching 1 inch in length. My locally based "not great but does a fine job and is cheap" hairdresser is out of town for a month.

I called my swanky Capitol Hill "used to be my go to hairdresser" but is now "only for special occasions, emergencies, or if I find $200 laying in the street" hairdresser and somehow got an appointment for tomorrow, even though they are still closed today. The owner was in taking care of some paperwork and just happened to pick up.

But that still leaves my children unattended tomorrow afternoon, so then I was also able to find a babysitter in short order. Mr. Q is also able to come home from work a little early.

I was trying and trying to think of another word for miracle, because this is not really a miracle, but I just can't get it.

Oh wait !

Lucky !

A Real Resolution

2012-01-02T20:44:00.000-05:00

My personal resolution is to stop interrupting people.

It's easy for me to be careful when I'm aware of it. If I'm chatting with a group of people and someone else interrupts someone (or me) I usually notice it and then remember to monitor myself for the rest of the conversation.

New Year's Resolutions and Plans: 2012

2012-01-01T15:27:00.000-05:00

Although I want to go back and do a Christmas round-up and a year end recap, I'm feeling inspired to think about organizing and de-cluttering today.

While I don't write on my own blog as often as I like, I read ALL of the blogs on my blog roll at least every 2-3 days. I left a longish comment on The Unclutterer today, so I thought I may as well turn it into a post here.

In addition to all of my personal resolutions, I have some organizing/de-cluttering resolutions.

I ended 2011 on a high note by getting my basement sewing area set up. I created a counter high sturdy surface for my sewing machine, so I can work on something even when I only have a few minutes here or there. For now, this area is sufficient as I have promised myself to not purchase more fabric or supplies until I am actually ready to begin a project. I want to make 2-3 more baby doll slings, curtains for the girls room, a patch for the rip in my sofa, and a cover for our light colored ottoman.

Sort through my collection of vintage linens. Some were my grandmother's (and I have one that was from my great-great-grandmother), some from a friend, and some were collected from the thrift store. I will commit to sorting through these, keeping only 1 vintage table-cloth per season/holiday or those things that I can identify a use for right now.

Get two prints framed and hung in my bedroom.

Sort through my china cabinets, designating one for informal things and 1 for formal things. I've already sorted through my over-flow/party/entertaining cabinet(s) in the basement. Yes, that was plural. In my defense, we have a really, really small kitchen so the things that most people keep in their kitchen I have to keep elsewhere.

Do something about my home office. In addition to my day job that I get paid for, I have several other community/civic things that I do that require physical storage space: teaching ESL, Girl Scouts, and the clothing co-op sale. The home office system I currently have doesn't work great because it lends itself to getting cluttered when things get busy. I had planned on getting another Elfa system for my home office (which is in a corner of a guest bedroom/play room) but the return on investment isn't great enough to warrant it. So now I'm thinking of using Ikea Billy bookshelf height extenders and just setting them on top of the desk, but honestly, that's going to look sort of crappy, so I think I'm going to have to make do with what I have. I really, really want those Elfa shelves though.

My closet/bathroom/linen closet is a disaster. I still haven't packed away my summer clothes and unpacked my winter clothes. This really needs to be addressed soon, and might even happen tonight since Jazzercise is cancelled.

I hate to say it, but I need to sort though the girls books, games and puzzles. We have too many in all categories.

What about you ? Do you have any organizing/de-cluttering resolutions ?

Unwanted Guests

2011-12-22T10:58:00.000-05:00

One of the darkest times in recent years was when I thought we had bed bugs. (It turned out we didn't.)

Reading this other blog post today about bed bugs reinforces my commitment (and time) to trying to keep our home clutter free. With all of Mr. Quimby's travels, I worry it is just a matter of time.

I still save (and always will) the girls clothes, books, and toys for the local consignment sale. But I also go to the pregnancy aid center or the thrift store for a drop off every 2 weeks. It's so much easier to take one bag or box every 2 weeks of housewares, linens, shoes, and slippers than doing it once a year.

Stay Home Day

2011-12-14T10:57:00.000-05:00

Ramona and I are home together on Wednesdays. Ramona is a home body and it is really, really good for her to have a break from pre-school/daycare mid week. We pick up Beezus at 2pm and while I feel like I should schedule a playdate for them or sign them up for gymnastics (and I might sign them up in January) we are content, most of the time, to stay home.

Occasionally Ramona and I will run errands, but mostly we just putz around the house. For as much as my girls play well together, they will also play indepentently for long periods of time.

On many days, Ramona and I will be in pretend mode for most of the morning, adapting the story line as needed to meet the circumstances. For when she is the teacher and I am the child and she wants seltzer, she will say to me "Kenna, would you like to try pouring the seltzer water today ?" and in that way she is able to get what she desires without breaking character.

I know that I will miss these days. To quote my friend Laurie (who once said something to this effect): I am nostalgic for things that haven't even gone away yet.

Leisurely snack and tea party, punctuated by checking to see if any leaves were still falling.

Right County, Wrong Location

2011-12-12T22:50:00.000-05:00

Hmmm, stumbled across an interesting blog today. I'm risking outing myself with this, but I don't care. It's too important. And besides, I know my little secret blog (this one) is safe with you.

http://www.rightcountywronglocation.blogspot.com/

Nerves

2011-12-05T23:13:00.000-05:00

I've been working on this issue in my community for a while now.

It's a contentious issues, and it's a long shot that my side will win. Very long.

I've been behind the scenes, doing research, collecting information, conferring with people, summarizing and synthesizing stuff and writing e-mails about it. I don't have an official position. None of us do, really, except maybe 1-2 people. Just me and a bunch of people who care about where we live, what our community looks like, and how we will live in 40 years and what our community will look like then. (At the rate things are going, we will STILL live here, although hopefully in the house next door).

It's a long shot. Even friends who don't live here have bluntly told me that.

But you know what ? I'm still hopeful. Nervous, but hopeful.

The best thing of all ? The people that started up this issue, let's call them the "schmevelopers", they thought they were going to steamroll right over us. They underestimated us. They thought that we valued "retail shopping options" more than quality of life issues. With their cocktail parties, and their swarmy ways, and their "building consensus" over coffee at Starbucks, they thought it would just be a couple of cantankerous old people objecting to their ill-conceived, poorly developed plans.

We showed them. Hell, yeah, we did. We made trouble for them by (oh gosh !) demanding factual answers to questions and asking for statistics collected in the past two years rather than 7 years ago and by asking for legally binding concessions rather than assurances of "we feel very positive about that."

Even if we don't win, we've made a difference.

I always wondered if it was true that a small, thoughtful group of committed citizens could change the world. Patriot that I am, I still had trouble believing it. My side may not change the world with this (and that's okay) but even if we lose, we have changed the playing field.

In some ways I feel like we have already won.

The Great Pre-Christmas Clean Out of 2011

2011-12-05T17:45:00.000-05:00

Several things recently have motivated me to start my pre-Christmas cleanout. In addition to the clean out I do before every co-op consignment sale, I also do one before Christmas.

Here's how I do it:

1. Start by taking out everything that is in the wrong place.
I go through the house and using small square laundry baskets and take out everything that doesn't belong in that room. I have three baskets that are each designated for a floor of the house.

2. Put things in the proper "home" taking care to put like things together.
Books with books, baby doll accessories with baby dolls, little plastic dolls with little plastic dolls.

3. Make one spot for miscellaneous toys - a car that doesn't go with anything else, a plastic trinket or toy that was won as a prize or received as part of a "kids meal" at a fast food place. I clean out almost all of these 3-4 times a year and give them away.

3. Eyeball and see what you have too much of. At one point we had three tea sets, so I cut it down to two and then to one. 4-5 dress up dresses are sufficient. 9 is completely unnecessary.

4. If there are things you can't bear to part with, pack them out of sight, and see if your kids ask about it. That may help you decide.

5. Make one pile for donate and one pile for sell.
You may have different piles, but this is what I do. I have gone CRAZY on the donations recently. Between the thrift store, the pregnancy aid center, the white elephant sale at church, and the toy drive at church (new, wrapped only) I had 4 boxes in the back of my car last week. I wouldn't even keep the stuff I was donating in the house - I took it out to the car, threw it in the proper box, and then covered them up with a beach towel so the girls wouldn't see.

6. The next part is where I get stuck - on the selling. I can always save things for my co-op/consignment sale, but I like to try and sell larger things inbetween then. Unfortunately, I just pile them up on a bookshelf next to my desk and tell myself I'll get to them later. Later sometimes never comes and I should have just given them away in the first damn place ! I've gotten a few things listed on Craigslist yesterday and today, but there's still more I'd like to do.

A BIG part of keeping things organized is to ALWAYS give my kids (and myself) a transition time. I try to not leave toys on the floor, shoes by the door, etc. Picking up things after we're done with them takes an average of 30-60 seconds, but waiting until the end of the day makes the cleanup seem too overwhelming.

Do you have a strategy when you try to de-clutter/organize or do you just dive in ? Do you tidy throughout the day or wait until the end of the day ?

I'm out

2011-11-30T22:02:00.000-05:00

I've got a head cold and my head and nose hurt, but I couldn't end NaBloPoMo without a real post for today.

I'm catching up on laundry tonight (an organized laundry routine still eludes me) and collecting odds and ends for the White Elephant sale at church. The latter is tough because I de-clutter regularly (I stop by the thrift store or local pregnancy aid center AT LEAST every two weeks) but I've managed to pull a few things together.

I love blogging. I love writing and I love reading other blogs. It's scary for sure to put some things out there, but I have to trust that people read with kind intentions. There's nothing more I can do, for I don't think I could stop now.

I've got several posts in draft form that I'd love to finish up, but I'll certainly take a break for a week or so.

Perhaps it's narcissistic in a way, but I love that there's a record of me an my family. 4-5 generations hence, no one will remember us or our stories, or that we were HERE. But now there will always be a record on the Internet !

Go and read Therese's post about the end of NaBloPoMo. She is a witty one.

Balance

2011-11-29T22:00:00.000-05:00

A week or so ago, I guest posted over at my friend Elaine's blog about the balance we use to incorporate Waldorf principles into our home. Elaine is a fantastic writer - her posts always seem so polished to me, so I tried to emulate her style in my guest post. Another gift that Elaine has is that while she is very strong in her own opinions (former college debater) she totally "gets" that different things work for different families. This made it "easy" for me to write a guest post for her because I wasn't worried that she wouldn't approve of our kids watching tv.

Head on over and take a look ! http://connorandhelen.blogspot.com/2011/11/nablopomo-advice-column-day-21-let-your.html

Vindication

2011-11-28T21:57:00.000-05:00

I saw this car again this morning at drop-off.

Guess where she parked ? In the appropriate parking lot this time - the church parking lot across the street from the school. I'm not going to be so arrogant as to think that it was my chasing her through the parking lot and yelling at her that made her change her ways. Honestly, I'm at that school five mornings a week at the exact same time and I had never seen her in the wrong parking lot before, but still . . .

That's what I'm talking 'bout !

Week-End Round Up

2011-11-27T22:31:00.000-05:00

What an awesome long weekend.

Day trip to New Jersey on Thursday to spend Thanksgiving with some of Mr. Quimby's family.
Visit to the Air & Space Museum on Friday with more Quimbys (Hi there!)
Dinner with some Quimby cousins.

Gosh, I love hanging out and chatting with my husband's family, and I love to see my husband with the people who have known him since birth. I wish they all lived closer so it wasn't quite so challenging for us to go and visit (or that perhaps they would come and visit us once in a while ;-) .

I gotta add that the girls did GREAT on these visits. We had a plan A and a plan B and their behavior on Thursday and Friday meant that we got to stick with Plan A both times !

Jazzercise on Saturday morning.
Lots of outside playtime on Saturday.
Put up the Christmas lights on Saturday afternoon.
Made some AWESOME oven fried tilapia on Saturday night. Everybody ate some - so rewarding.
Drinks and snacks to celebrate NaBloPoMo with some awesome women. Therese is such a gracious hostess and makes everything look effortless. I want to work on that for myself.

On Sunday, I lost my groove. I've been irritable and cranky all day and I can't seem to snap out of it. I'm pretty sure I know what's bugging me (worried about someone who is sick), so at least that mystery is solved.

Mass (arrived 10 minutes late - so frustrating) and a nice chat with our pastor after Mass.
Clipped and organized coupons.
Grocery store with the girls.
Made a playlist on YouTube of some contemplative Advent songs (church nerd alert ! I SWEAR I'm not a religious fanatic !!! Oh wait, why yes I did download the new mass setting AND the latin mass setting so I'm prepared no matter which mass we attend. Good God, what is happening to me ?!?!)
Mr. Q made dinner (PERFECTLY steamed green beans) while the girls and I tidied up around the house.
I had mentally mapped out a little prayer service while we lit the first candle on our Advent wreath, but the downside of having children in an engaging religious education setting is that they actually participate in prayer services regularly and they had all these ideas that they wanted to implement right in the middle of what I was trying to get us to do. I now know for next time, but geesh, give me a break ! So, our family prayer service was conducted with a 4.5 year old yelling her fool head off. Beezus said "This isn't very peaceful ! "
And for the last couple hours, Mr. Q and I have tidied up around the house, prepped lunches for the week, etc. We consciously tried to work in the same room at the same time so at least we are together. And now we're going to go watch another episode of Weeds that I've checked out from the library.

See, this is why I blog. Writing this got my mind off the reason I am cranky and now I feel better.

Copycat: Blue suede shoes

2011-11-26T22:28:00.000-05:00

Copycatting my friend Susan's AwwwClutter blog today !

What: Blue suede print Sanita clogs

From: Clog Outlet

Purchased: Last week

Cost: $46 (incl. shipping). Retail is $120.

Occasionally, I buy things for myself at retail stores other than the thrift stores. Actually, that's an exaggeration - I've bought a LOT of clothes for myself this fall. Got great deals on every single piece and I've worn everything several times already.

I love clogs, and I love GOOD clogs, especially Sanitas. I prefer wearing clogs to sneakers. I have some black professional clogs that I bought last fall but I'm finding that I'm wearing them almost all the time. So, I decided to branch out and get some clogs that I could wear on my "at home" days with jeans. (Contrary to popular belief, I actually do wear jeans sometimes). Honestly, since I'm not a size 8 (or a size 10, or a size ?? - I'll just stop right there) I find that I have to make a little bit more effort to look pulled together than an 8. But maybe that's just me.

Anyhoo, that's why I prefer to wear clogs over sneakers. I stumbled across a website called the clog outlet, and they had a great search engine so I was able to narrow down my choices in about 3 minutes. I purchased the navy clogs and a gorgeous pair of brown professionals so that I can wear clogs to work every day (I almost exclusively wear brown or black shoes, with pants, to work).

Christmas Cards

2011-11-25T14:26:00.000-05:00

Every year, I have a really hard time getting Christmas cards in the mail before Christmas. Many times I've wound up sending New Year's Cards instead !

A couple weeks ago, fate intervened to help me get these cards out on time. I saw a local group coupon deal for a local photographer (more on that later) and also heard about a deal for bloggers with tinyprints, an on-line printing company. A friend from work has ordered from tiny prints for her girls birthday invitations, baptismal invitations, and Christmas cards so I was familiar with the good quality.

The photographer came and took the photos last weekend and I'm taking time today to sit down and go through my options with tiny prints. There's a filtering option on the left hand side, so I started with that since I definitely want cards that have either 4 or 5 photos. After looking at all those options, I narrowed down to the ones with traditional messages. No "fa la la" for us - I'm a traditionalist.

I have one horizontal family photo and one vertical family photo that I definitely want on the card, so that helped narrow my options as well. I'm down to five options now ! I may have to take one more out of the running if I can't fix the capitalization on it (i.e., Merry Christmas instead of merry christmas). I know that's the trendy style, but I just can't do it.

The other nice thing about this sort of website is that I can get 30-40 Christmas cards for friends who celebrate Christmas (whether for religious or secular reasons) and another 10 or so for friends who do not celebrate Christmas. I like that flexibility.

Last year I took all the Christmas cards we received and put them either in to frames, or into a little photo album for the girls. They like flipping through and pointing out people, particularly Mr. Q's brothers and sisters. Head over to tiny prints and take a look at their Christmas Card selection. There are a ton of options, so you can be a traditionalist, like me, or as funky as you want to be ! Without further ado, here are my options:

I was compensated for this post. By agreeing to post and link to their site, I will be compensated with 50 free cards !

Gratitude

2011-11-24T21:22:00.000-05:00

In no particular order:

For being raised by parents who loved me and sacrificed for me.

For the return of my faith, and then some.

For my neighbors (well, some of them anyway).

For finding myself.

For my friends. I am really, really blessed with true, real friends.

For my husband and his commitment to our marriage and our family, at the sacrifice of his own professional successes and personal interests.

For my children and their health.

For my sisters.

For our extended family. It makes me, Mr. Q., and the girls feel like we have a place to be connected to other people.

For coming out of the tunnel of infancy and toddler-hood.

Wordless Wednesday (but with captions)

2011-11-23T22:47:00.000-05:00

Triumphant First

Tiny tooth

Attempted copycat extraction with toy tweezers

Self-reliance

2011-11-22T22:45:00.000-05:00

I've mentioned before that sure, regular developmental milestones are something to be celebrated, but what I really get excited about are growing signs of self-reliance.

I was really thrilled when my kids could walk down stairs by themselves, put on their shoes or coat, dress themselves, pour liquid, etc.

Beezus is at an age where she's mastered lots of the "self" things and is moving on to helping our family with her actions.

She will vacuum with a lightweight Oreck vacuum if I ask her.

She also recently took care of Ramona and herself. It was in the afternoon after school and I was putzing around the house. I came out and saw that Beezus had GONE DOWN TO THE BASEMENT, found the bag where I keep all the winter hats and mittens, and brought it back upstairs. After I asked her to, she also dumped them into the hat/mitten basket, and then tossed the bag on the basement stairs to await it's journey back to it's home.

Aliens

2011-11-21T21:56:00.002-05:00

The conventional sidecar, seen here at the Cafe Pierre in Manhattan, gets a tweak.
(David Corio for The New York Times)

I can't fully explain it. Aliens took away my brain. I had a sufficient quantity of posts written to give myself the weekend off (or to work ahead on other posts) and I rebelled against myself and didn't post them.

Also, a random musing . . . I LOVE to drink a cocktail called a sidecar. It's a classic, old-fashioned drink and so, so good. In fact, it's such a good drink that it has appeared in the New York Times not once, but twice !!! Cocktail Recipe" Bourbon Sidecar for Two and Tweaking a Classic. We went out to dinner Sunday evening at a restaurant we've been to before, and I ordered one. I had previously had a sidecar at this restaurant and it was good, so I was excited. Alas, I was sorely disappointed - I guess a different bartender was on duty.

So, even though it's not in the exact spirit of NaBloPoMo, I'm going to go back and post those other posts now.

Weekend Round-Up

2011-11-20T22:01:00.000-05:00

I like doing a week-end round up. It's satisfying to reflect on what we did and will be fun to read in the years to come.

Here are the things we did:

Family movie night (consists of watching the same 30 minutes of tv that they always do, but with the lights off and while eating popcorn).
Daddy/Beezus trip to Home Depot
Mommy/Beezus errands (Ramona almost always chooses to stay at home)
Mass
Photo shoot (a photographer came to our house - we've never had photos taken anywhere but JCPenney)
Raked leaves
Bike ride
Played at the park with a neighbor
Played at the playground with a different neighbor
Mr. Q cleaned out the gutters (he is a pro and gets up on our two flat roofs with the leaf blower)
Family dinner at a restaurant

Beezus and I went to our first Girl Scout meeting. It is going to be a very good practice for me in terms of not being in charge (I'm just a co-leader) and in things not being planned out fully. It's a very diverse group of girls in many ways, and most of the moms seem to be very low-key.

Not quite as much project work as in weekends past, but still enjoyable nonetheless !

No doubt

2011-11-19T10:07:00.000-05:00

In case there was any doubt that a small child has the ability to understand the mysteries of our faith, rather than just parroting back things they are told, consider this.

At Mass a couple weeks ago, we were singing a hymn that included the line, "Jesus the stranger, Jesus the Lord." The song was illustrating the magnifence of Jesus, in that no matter how much we know him, there is still so much more to know.

As we were singing, Ramona leaned over and said in a stage whisper "Jesus is not a stranger."

On the way home in the car, I commented that Ramona must have been really listening to the music, and related to Beezus and Mr. Q. what she had said. Beezus asked why the song said Jesus was a stranger and I explained.

Ramona asked, "What do we do if people don't know Jesus ?" I responded that if they wanted to, we could tell them what we know about Jesus. Ramona chimed in "Yeah, we can tell them that he's not a stranger."

Unsupervised

2011-11-18T23:59:00.001-05:00

When Mr. Q and I were working on the stupid bathroom cabinets recently, Ramona asked me if she could use my camera. I said yes.

After a while, she came and asked me if I could take a photo of her, Beezus, and their babies since Beezus couldn't hold it properly. I was distracted and so just wanted to take the desired photo quickly and get back to the cabinet.

I was tickled to see these photos later.

The end result.

Mess vs. Clutter

2011-11-17T20:29:00.000-05:00

My friend Laurence left a good comment on my post about keeping the house organized. She said that her girls drawings, toys, etc. created the look of a happy atmosphere and that a house without any of these things would be stark in comparison.

I agree.

Messes are inevitable. After every meal, the (hopefully) empty plates signal a family who gathered together for a meal. The dirty pots and pans signify that the meal was homemade (or at least semi-homemade). Toys, drawings, shoes, all of those things are the signs that a family lives there. I have no issues with what I call a "mess" because a mess in an organized and de-cluttered house can be taken care of in about 10-15 minutes of "tidying up."

My war is with things that remain on a table, or in a corner, or on the floor because they have no permanent place to live. Those are the things that become clutter and then make it difficult to find the other shoe, the favorite marker, or the paper from school that needs to be returned.

The Unclutterer blog posted a question from a reader referencing an article about how clutter negatively impacts creativity. I don't want to go back and linky link, but the conversation that came out in the comments was how surroundings/clutter influence you and your perspective. In my family, we do not work well when there is a lot of clutter. It takes longer to find things and it just doesn't feel clean. For example, I let the girls school paperwork get away from me a few weeks ago and pile up. EVEN THOUGH I go through their backpacks every single day and throw away as much as I can, it got away from me. On top of that paper pile started going notices for me or Mr. Q that I needed to put into our family calendar. When we were away for several days in late October, I also didn't stay on top of my e-mail, and didn't transfer things into the calendar. As a result of that I've been carrying around our 11x17 family calendar and about 100 pieces of paper in a tote bag everywhere I go. Beezus has missed a birthday party and I'm nervous about making plans because I'm not confident that our calendar is up to date.

This sort of clutter definitely has a negative influence on our lives. I'm taking the night off tonight. Mr. Q has been gone the past two nights and will be back tomorrow mid-morning. Everyone has clean underwear, the kitchen has been tidied after dinner, the dishes in the dishwasher are clean. There are a million things I could do. Instead I'm going to sit on the couch, watch some Waltons or Real Housewives, and sort through my tote bag of papers !!!

So, in summary: keep the messes, lose the clutter !!!

Ramona's career counseling

2011-11-16T15:26:00.000-05:00

This morning after we dropped Beezus off at school, I saw a car illegally pull into the teacher's parking lot. Please note that this parking lot is directly in the path of the area where children are legally dropped off from their cars. Not the best plan, I know, but our school is leftover from the days when all of the children who attended the school could walk there.

The small, blue SUV discharged the child passenger and then started to pull out without looking. The car had to slam on the brakes to keep from hitting one of Beezus' classmates. I saw the whole thing, checked on the child, and then chased after the small, blue SUV dragging Ramona along behind me. I caught up to the driver about 20 feet away where she was waiting to make a turn out of the parking lot. I motioned to her to roll down the window, and she didn't, so I yelled as she pulled away.

As Ramona and I were walking home, Ramona turned to me and said, "You know, Mommy, you would make a great police officer. You could stand around and give tickets to people who do the wrong thing."

I'm thinking that she is really intuitive for a 4 year old to know the desires of my heart !

What I miss most

2011-11-15T20:52:00.001-05:00

Alabama Immigration Law

2011-11-14T22:09:00.000-05:00

As someone who was raised in the South and has a (part-time) career as an ESL/ESOL teacher, the recent issues surrounding the new immigration law in Alabama literally make my stomach turn. Literally.

My parents and many of their friends may be concerned about unauthorized/undocumented immigrants, but they are not necessarily in favor of this law. I am deeply comforted by the active role the Catholic Church (and other clergy and churches) have taken in opposing this law. It is a regular notation in church bulletins and after Communion announcements in Catholic churches across the state.

The Alabama farm economy, many of them family owned farms, is already suffering and the problem is only going to get worse. The fact is that many unauthorized/undocumented immigrants come from countries where hard scrabble farming is what feeds their families, and they are willing to do this sort of manual labor. Politicians in favor of the immigration law theorize that getting the unauthorized/undocumented immigrants out of the state will result in job openings for citizens and that the citizens will take these jobs, show up on time, and do an honest day's work. I just don't think that's going to happen, and several farmers interviewed for articles in the popular media and Catholic press agree. I would agree that the growing numbers of unauthorized/undocumented immigrants present a challenge (and in some cases, a problem) for our country.

I do not know what the magic answer is - but I do know that making children scared to attend school, or making their parents fear taking their child to an emergency room is not a solution.

The New York Times just published an editorial on the civil rights opposition to the law. http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/14/opinion/on-the-rise-in-alabama.html

The Washington Post published an editorial on how the law is hurting the farm economy.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/how-alabamas-immigration-law-is-crippling-its-farms/2011/11/01/gIQAg0JvjM_story.html

Monte Sano State Park, near Huntsville, Alabama

Crossword Puzzle Update

2011-11-13T21:07:00.002-05:00

Synonym for ironic

(scroll down)

If I had just gotten her the damn Barbie doll like she wanted, I wouldn't have cared if she had tagged it with a permanent marker.
(Background here for new readers.)

I've gotten the tag down to a dull blue streak with polish remover and hair spray. It's good enough.

Note to my childcare provider (who is usually pretty good): If a child procures an item (for example a permanent marker) by having to use a stool to climb up on the counter and then has to reach into the back of the cabinet to procure said item, chances are that it is difficult for said child to procure said item FOR A REASON !!!

Note to TSM: Out of sight and out of reach is evidently NOT out of the mind of a 6 year old.

Near perfection

2011-11-12T11:39:00.002-05:00

In my head, I have three levels of a desired organizational state of our home (it is currently, as of this moment, in an idealistic state):

Desired state - This is after a really good tidying up, but not neccesarily with additional time to declutter a problem area. Often there is a pile of papers on the dining room desk, a small stack of receipts, post-it notes, little papers in the kitchen, and perhaps a few toys in their wrong places. There will be some clean clothes in the basement waiting to be put away. Honestly, within a two week period the house is usually like this about half the time.

Idealistic state - After a really good tidying up that is maintained and improved upon after several days PLUS some of the clutter prone areas (living room desk, kitchen counter, clean laundry) have been dealt with. In a two week period, the house is usually like this the night before and the day of the cleaning lady's visit. However, continuous problem areas remain:

my desk (on the 1st floor),
items I'm saving for the white elephant sale at church, plus things to list on Craig's List or e-Bay.
my scrapbook area (on the 2nd floor in our bedroom),
digital photos (on a portable hard drive),
clothes out of place - wrong season or need to be ironed or not quite, ahem, fitting at the moment (our closet on the 2nd floor);
and in the basement:
unironed clothes (basement)
my old photos area (basement),
overflow books (basement), and
three boxes of things left over from my working days.

Perfection - This would be the state where all of the above problem areas are dealt with. I can't imagine that I will every actually attain this level, and honestly it's pretty un-necessary anyway.

I de-cluttered all of our drawers and cabinets over the summer and they've stayed that way. Our house is on the small side and the good part of that is that a pile of papers somewhere makes a big difference. I'm also doing some sprucing up / decorating, and that helps too.

I'm on a schedule where I give items away every two weeks to either the Pregnancy Aid Center or the Thrift Store. It's part of my routine now to go to one or the either every Tuesday or Wednesday, so it gets stuff out easily.

When I need some motivation, I either go and read the blog Unclutterer, AwwwClutter, The Junk Pyramid or watch the first 10 and last 10 minutes of an episode of Hoarders. Watching Hoarders almost always makes me jump up and get started especially !

We've got an easy weekend, and I feel SO EXCITED that I might actually attain something between Idealistic Perfection and Perfection by Sunday afternoon !!! If we do, I'll definitely take photos !

Edited to add: I thought I better go ahead and take photos of the livingroomdiningroomentryway while it was still in a good state !

The stairs to the master suite. These are a HUGE clutter prone area, and I usually leave it there for 1-2 weeks at a time, but never longer than 2 weeks.

Living room from the perspective of the front door. Hmm, I think I need to clean off the refrigerator.

Dining room. I've had clean laundry neatly arranged there for about 10 days and just got it cleared off yesterday. Phew !

Ahh, the dining room desk. This is where the "Pile of Papers" usually lives. We actually refer to it with a proper noun. Sadly, the "Pile of Papers" has not been sufficiently dealt with, as I'm just carrying it around in a tote bag. This desk usually attracts clutter throughout the day. The girls will claim anything that's theirs inbetween dinner and night-time tv, and I tidy up the rest after they are asleep.

Living room from the perspective of the dining room. Ahhh.

Clutter can collect on the entry table to the right, but it's small and it is where my tote bag, work bag, and purse live. Library books live in the ottoman tray on the left.

Crossword puzzle

2011-11-11T22:26:00.000-05:00

Antonym for "temporary pencil"

(scroll down)

"permanent marker"

Cookies ?

2011-11-10T22:31:00.000-05:00

Girl Scout Promise
On my honor, I will try:
To serve God and my country,
To help people at all times,
And to live by the Girl Scout Law.

I've been approved as a Girl Scout Volunteer and will be a co-leader of Beezus' troop.

I was a Brownie and a Girl Scout as a child. I loved my Brownie uniform and have a photo somewhere. I still have my Brownie and Girl Scout pins. I hope that Beezus (and Ramona next year) enjoy their scouting years as much as I did.

For me, scouting is going to give us the opportunity to do activities and outings in a structured way, along with another avenue for my girls character development. This particular troop is made up of girls from 2 different towns and 4 different schools, and I like that too.

I'm really looking forward to this.

January 1, 2032

2011-11-09T21:20:00.000-05:00

Several of my "milk mom" friends are bloggers. One of our friends is also a dedicated reader and occasional commenter, and we asked her to come up with a list of writing prompts that the group could use and write about at similar times.

So, today, I am writing on one of those prompts which is to write a post as if it were January 1, 2032. A few have gone before me with various approaches, but I think I'm going to make mine a combination of what I really believe will happen and what I hope will happen.
-------------------------------------------------------------
I normally blog in the evenings, but I thought today I would start off in the morning.

The past week has been such a lovely, relaxing time for our family. We've stuck with the practice we started when the girls were young of having leisurely holidays. Whether we were at home or at my parents house or anywhere else, we've always tried to make the holidays relaxing.

It's so nice to have Mom and Dad living in the in-law suite downstairs. I remember when we thought we would never be able to afford to renovate the kitchen and basement, but we finally did a few years ago and we added an in-law suite as well. My sister Susan helps out with keeping an eye on them when we travel, or Sarah will come up and spend a few days with them and it works out well for everyone.

Beezus is here, as she has always been (either literally or figuratively). She has never strayed far from Mr. Q and I. She's spent most of this week relaxing - she's exhausted after completing her master's thesis on the importance of play in early childhood education (remember back around 2010 when that was a novel concept ?!?!). She's taking next semester off from school and work and will be doing field research with my sister Susan and some of Susan's other graduate students. I think she is in a relationship with someone - she's dated several people over the years and has fallen in love a couple times, but I am grateful that she has remained true to herself and is waiting for the right one. There was that awful time when she thought she had met "the one" and told us they were moving in together, but thankfully it passed. Sometimes you have to meet the losers to know the right one when you see it.

We are grateful that Ramona showed up this week. Our physical relationship with her continues to be fragile. If we push too much, she retreats or digs her heels in. But she knows that we love her with a strength that will never waver and after all this time I have finally learned to give her the space she needs. Ramona gave us some shocking news, though. She will enter the seminary to start studying for the deaconate !!! I have always known from a very young age that she had a deep understanding of her faith (they both did, really), and I may have hoped for this but it was still unexpected. It was a surprise when the new Pope issued an edict about 15 years ago permitting women to be ordained as deacons, but I guess the discovery of those missing books of the Bible really made a difference. She will make a wonderful deacon - her faith has always been strong, even when she was a strong willed adolescent (I still shudder to think about some of those years).

My beloved is here, as he has always been. 35 years of marriage and still ticking. The years that both girls were adolescents were almost as difficult as when they were infants and toddlers. And again, it tested us. We responded better than we did in the early years - there was still some yelling and snarky comments, but for the most part, we just tried to laugh and turn to each other for comfort and solace. He ran in a Christmas race for seniors last week (oh, excuse me, they call it "masters") and finished in the top 10 in his age group.

As for me, I have relaxed this week too. The University is closed for 10 days (I suggested it to the President, and she thought it was a great idea). Work is tough - the hours can be long and the issues I deal with are intense, but I remain grateful for this job. I always said that I wanted to go back to work full-time when the girls were in college and I did.

I'll have to end here and get on with my day. It was a busy day yesterday. The Milk Moms moved our 26th Annual "Anniversary Celebration of Us and Our Kids" to New Year's Eve afternoon and I talked and laughed until I was hoarse. It was so, so wonderful to see them and their children. We've had some sadness in the group over the years, but we've always been there to support one another when needed. After the kids went on to their night-time parties and the husbands went home, the Moms and I stayed around and talked some more. After 26 years, there is still so much to say. Sidecars are back in style again, and I drank a few.

What's next for me and for this year ? Well, after FINALLY achieving my dream of going to France with Mr. Q about 18 years ago, I now go every few years. I've been with my parents, my sisters, and some of the Milk Moms. We're going again in a couple months and I can't wait.

Now I've really got to get going. I need to walk the dogs (also got those when the girls went to college) and then go to back-to-back Jazzercise classes later today.

More later . . .

Like riding a bike

2011-11-08T21:39:00.000-05:00

I was back in the classroom tonight. It felt wonderful.

When I worked with traditional college students, I often felt so hopeful for them - for what was to come. The difference with adult ESL/ESOL students is that I still feel the hope for them, but I am also in awe of what many of them have overcome.

It was fantastic to see their faces light up when I talked about all the educational opportunities still to come for them.

An opportunity

2011-11-07T16:07:00.001-05:00

My friend H. is fond of saying two things: 1. You can always break/stop a habit; and 2. You never know what professional opportunities might present themselves.

Some background: I had a demanding, fulfilling professional career before I had children. I was well-respected by most, and liked by many, and I was good at what I did. I was able to have a little bit of an impact on many young people and (I hope) a significant, positive impact on a few (hey y’all !). It was meaningful work and I remain grateful to God that I was called to it. When I was pregnant with Beezus, I started submitting proposals to my employer to change my job to part-time. They said no. I submitted a different proposal. They said no again. This continued after my maternity leave ended and while we were negotiating they agreed to let me work part-time, although I went back to work full-time for three months during a particularly busy time.

Eventually, I realized that neither of us were going to change our minds, so I quit and luckily got pregnant with Ramona right away and picked up a couple other part-time gigs while I was pregnant and then after she was born I stayed home for almost two years. It was very, very hard and very, very sad to leave my job. At the time, I thought I would never have the opportunity to work in a position where I got to be paid to help people.

I currently work part-time in a job that is interesting but it’s not doing anything to really help anyone or better society. I spent some time teaching ESL classes to adults and that was fantastic – incredibly fulfilling work but also demanding – two nights a week for a full semester. I stopped after a while, and have felt that void again of not being able to help people in a systematic way.

Sure, I can give advice to other mothers on the playground and I engage in some light community activism, and both of those things have a small impact and make me feel like I’m doing something. But it's not the same.

I was recently offered a position at a local community college to work with adults in their outreach/workforce development ESL program. For lack of a better descriptor, these are classes for adults that focus on “life-skills” speaking/listening and then reading/writing English. But at some point, they will finish the sequence of courses, or perhaps they need to learn a specific set of vocabulary for their job, or computer skills for work, or maybe they even want to work on an associates degree.

And that’s where I come in.

I’ll get to meet with students in the higher level classes and advise them of the other educational opportunities available for them, teach them how to read the course catalog, and encourage them with all the registration/paperwork. Oh, and I get paid to do this and it’s only about 15 hours a month for 3-4 months per year !

5 ½ years ago I saw the writing on the wall and realized that I would have to quit my meaningful career. I thought I would never be able to help anyone again (dramatic, but true). I guess you just never know what might present itself !

Weekend Plans - Sunday Recap

2011-11-06T22:08:00.000-05:00

Where does the time go ? Sunday updates in purple.

Of course, these projects have to get done while working around our regular weekend plans, which are:

• Soccer tournament for Beezus
• Babysitting gig for me (I’m in a babysitting co-op)
• Church
• Trip to Costco: Cancelled, decided we could wait a week
• Trip to grocery store
Added in a 90 minute trip to the park for me and the girls, and a 9 hole round of golf for David

And of course, we need to have some family time. At a minimum, we’ll all snuggle on the couch and watch a little tv together for some rest/down time in the afternoon and due to the time change it will be easy-peasy for everyone to make it to mass together at 8:30am. DONE ! We don’t normally go to the grocery store together, but I find it hard to manage Costco by myself (we have a reasonably big list this time) so we’ll likely all go together for that.

All those things aside, here’s the project list:
• Re-hang bathroom cabinets. What a dreadful chore – our 1928 house seems to have NO studs in the bathroom and 1 cabinet fell down while we were gone last week and we figured we may as well beef up the other one while we’re at it. – Done. Took 3 hours.
• Keep living room/dining room/kitchen tidy (I currently have NO clutter in my living room/dining room/kitchen, and God as my witness it’s going to stay that way) – Done.
• Place new accessories in living room/dining room, switch out baskets on top of fridge – Done.
• Tidy up the “all purpose room” (guest bedroom, my office, playroom, library). Wash guest linens, organize and pack away. – Almost done. Not done.
• Pack away remaining pieces of girls summer clothes. I had already done this and I forgot about it.
• Do 3 loads of laundry. Done. Organize/put away all of girls clothes. Not done.
• Prep lunches/dinners for the week. Done.
• Tidy up our bedroom. Unpack suitcase FROM LAST WEEK. I should be ashamed. Not done.

Okay, those are the things that MUST get done. Here’s what else I would like to accomplish: Yeah, none of these done.

• Rake front lawn.
• Pack away my summer clothes and unpack fall/winter clothes.
• Go over last week’s school work with Beezus.

But I did accomplish these other things:
Perfected my simple "fried" chicken recipe.
Hemmed two pairs of pants (with stitch-witchery and just a little sewing on the inseam. I LOVE a blind hem.)
Wrote a long e-mail to a friend from elementary school whom I haven't spoken to in 26 years.
Made muffins (from a mix).

Weekend Plans

2011-11-05T23:54:00.002-04:00

My friend Susan posted on what her projects were for the weekend, and I thought that sounded like a fun idea, so I’m going to do the same.

Of course, these projects have to get done while working around our regular weekend plans, which are:
• Soccer tournament for Beezus
• Babysitting gig for me (I’m in a babysitting co-op)
• Church
• Trip to Costco
• Trip to grocery store

And of course, we need to have some family time. At a minimum, we’ll all snuggle on the couch and watch a little tv together for some rest/down time in the afternoon and due to the time change it will be easy-peasy for everyone to make it to mass together at 8:30am. We don’t normally go to the grocery store together, but I find it hard to manage Costco by myself (we have a reasonably big list this time) so we’ll likely all go together for that.

All those things aside, here’s the project list:
• Re-hang bathroom cabinets. What a dreadful chore – our 1928 house seems to have NO studs in the bathroom and 1 cabinet fell down while we were gone last week and we figured we may as well beef up the other one while we’re at it. – Done. Took 3 hours.
• Keep living room/dining room/kitchen tidy (I currently have NO clutter in my living room/dining room/kitchen, and God as my witness it’s going to stay that way) – Done.
• Place new accessories in living room/dining room, switch out baskets on top of fridge – Done.
• Tidy up the “all purpose room” (guest bedroom, my office, playroom, library). Wash guest linens, organize and pack away. – Almost done.
• Pack away remaining pieces of girls summer clothes.
• Do 3 loads of laundry. Organize/put away all of girls clothes.
• Prep lunches/dinners for the week.
• Tidy up our bedroom. Unpack suitcase FROM LAST WEEK. I should be ashamed.

Okay, those are the things that MUST get done. Here’s what else I would like to accomplish:
• Rake front lawn.
• Pack away my summer clothes and unpack fall/winter clothes.
• Go over last week’s school work with Beezus.

Ready, set, go.

Saturday night update: I started this post Saturday morning, but didn’t finish it until Saturday night, so I went back and updated what we finished by Saturday evening and I’ll update it again Sunday evening.

Cabinets. Mission accomplished. It may not look like it,
but I swear there's not a stud on that entire wall !

Questioning

2011-11-04T23:44:00.000-04:00

I am delighted that Mr. Q and I have figured out Ramona. It has made our family life so much more peaceful over the past few months.

She will respond beautifully to a direction/instruction that she doesn't mind doing. Putting on shoes or a jacket to go outside ? Wiping down the table ? Carrying Mommy's water to the car ? No problem. She will even respond appropriately to an instruction that she doesn't necessarily like about 70% of the time.

But it's a few things and the other 30% that are a challenge. Just like you are never supposed to stare a rabid dog in the eyes (or is it a bear ?) we rarely give Ramona a direct order for something she is not fond of if she is feeling a little ornery. For example, "Ramona, go brush your teeth" may result in the exact opposite and may result in tears, running around naked, or hiding under the bed in the way back corner. Instead, we say brightly "I saw some money on the floor in the bathroom earlier today, I wonder if it is still there." After she runs to the bathroom to look, we casually put the toothbrush in her hand and chat about finding money in funny places and it works like a charm.

I even enlist Beezus to help. For the most part, we try to let Ramona go to the bathroom when she feels the urge. But there are times when I KNOW she has to go and she just won't stop what she is doing. So, I whisper to Beezus and she says in a sing-song voice "I have to go to the potty. Here I go into the bathroom." Ramona will jump up and run in there to beat Beezus. I follow along, grab her favorite book, and say "Oh, look what I found. Your book, Ramona. I'll read it to you while you are sitting there."

About 40% of the time she will pick up her belongings after a brief prompt/instruction; another 40% I will work right along side her; and then there is the other 20 %. In those cases I whisper to her "I wonder if you or Esther will be able to pick up and put away 5 things and be finished first ? I'll help you." (I know, I know I should be ashamed).

For the most part, I believe that there is a wide range of acceptable parenting behaviors. Of course, mine work best for my family, and yours work for yours. But no matter how well these techniques work with Ramona, I worry about them. I want her to be able to respond to an instruction even if she doesn't want to. Conceding to these "tricks" definitely accomplish the goal (brushing teeth) and they make whatever transition it is run smoother. But I'm not sure they develop character. Or is it okay to only develop character some of the time and not all of the time ?

Do you have any parenting practices that totally work for your family now but probably aren't character developing or good options for the long term ?

Thankful: Ramona's perspective

2011-11-03T21:38:00.001-04:00

As I dropped Ramona off this morning, her teacher pulled me aside.

She said that over the past couple weeks she has been talking about being thankful at circle time. She explains what thankful is and gives some ideas of what people might be thankful about. The children are offered the opportunity to share something they are thankful for. Other children might vary in their responses, but every time Ramona has answered, she has always said this:

"I am thankful for my sister."

Halloween Find

2011-11-02T23:19:00.001-04:00

In my head, I keep a mental list of my top 5 thrift store finds. But over time, I've had to separate into three lists: things for me, things for the girls, and all other. Because I am a financially shallow person, my finds are often very high quality or expensive items and their presence on the list is related to what percentage of the retail price I paid rather than how much I like the item. Honestly, by now, I've forgotten a lot of the mental list, but I still know a good find when I see it.

For Halloween, I had a difficult time with the girls costumes. Beezus wound up being a rooster (rooster top and red tights were $7 at thrift store) and I fashioned a costume for Ramona out of three thrift store pieces: a pale yellow kids sweatshirt, a golden yellow poor quality men's fleece, and a shiny orange high tech woman's running shirt (I used that orange running shirt to make pants and a skirt for her costume). I really wanted a costume for myself, and a good one. I would up finding an orange and black witch dress that fit me well (Mr. Q said I looked good !) and will last for years to come. It is cheaply made and although it doesn't have the usual criteria to fit my "top finds" the appropriateness for the season and fit bumps it on to the list.

There were the usual parties at school, and then my sister came over on Halloween evening. The girls started off strong with their "Ana" and after 5-6 houses, Ramona said that she was going to stay home and help hand out candy but that Esther could ask people for an extra piece for her sister. That is just SO Ramona.

Comments awry

2011-11-02T15:27:00.001-04:00

I have read every single blog on my blog roll today and I can't seem to leave a comment on about half of them. Just wanted to let you know.

NaBloPoMo November 2011

2011-11-01T20:22:00.000-04:00

Again this year, I am rising to the challenge issued by my friend Therese to participate in National Blog Posting Month and write every day in the month of November. Interestingly enough, when I went to the NaBloPoMo webpage today to download a badge and then upload it to my blog, I saw that the writing prompt for today was something to the effect of "What do you like about writing ?" Convenient, since I was going to post today on why I blog.

I remember fondly the day that this woman at the breastfeeding center mentioned something about "blogging" and asked if I read a particular blog. My thought was, predictably, "People write random stuff on the Internet and other people read it ?"

Over the months as I came to know Vickie both in real life and through her blog, I discovered this on-line community of bloggers. Reading the blogs of my friends helps me to get to know them in a way I wouldn't otherwise, and it helps me to make on-line friends that I would never have had the chance to meet in real life.

While I have blogged sporadically over the past 3 1/2 years, it remains a cathartic practice for me. Along with keeping my house tidy and having an organized calendar, blogging seems to be another thing that helps keep the cobwebs out of my mind. Everyone has different intended audiences for their blogs, and mine is close family and friends, along with everyone I DON'T know in the rest of the world. I keep my blog from family and friends whom I wouldn't trust to understand it, along with the neighbors and acquaintances in my real life whom I do not wish to share my deeper thoughts with.

My goal for this year's NaBloPoMo is to blog honestly and authentically. I had a situation recently where I read a stranger's blog post and it really resonated with me. I left a long comment that validated her experience and shared with her how her post had validated my thoughts on a particular issue. I came to find out through a IRL friend of mine who is an acquaintance of hers that this blogger is not at all like she represented herself on her blog. I was shocked, and I felt sort of betrayed by the blogger. Here I thought we had this connection, this shared experience, and I came to find out that she was either trying to paint a rosy picture of herself by blogging inauthentically OR she is incredibly UN self-aware. Either way, it affected me and I really want to be more honest in the things I say. I will still censor myself, but I'm not going to paint a rosy picture.

I think I've written about that before, that one of the things I love about my on-line community is the validation that comes from knowing that others have similar struggles and challenges. If we all paint rosy pictures, then there's not much to commiserate with.

So, here we are again. Thanks for the challenge Therese !

Sun and Water

2011-10-22T12:20:00.003-04:00

I'm in the middle of a long day of flying to meet my beloved at an undisclosed exotic location. My parents are staying with the girls and my sister will be putting in some time as well.

This is the second time that Mr. Quimby and I have left our children at the same time. And, like the first time, this first day away is the worst. I currently feel sick to my stomach, have a huge knot in the place where my heart belongs, and am tearing up on the verge of doing the ugly cry (as Oprah would say). It doesn't help that I got very little sleep last night - even after I got in to bed, it was just too hard to settle down !

I'm trying not to picture their soft warm bodies as they looked when I left them this morning, and I'm trying not to imagine them counting the days until we return, and I certainly can't think about what it will be like to hold them in 5 days time.

But I want this trip for me, I want to do it for my husband, and I want to do it for us. Nothing is bad or wrong, quite the opposite. Our marriage is strong as ever, but even the strongest oak tree will whither if it doesn't get some sunlight and water now and again. Being present to my husband and having time to chat and build shared experiences is like sun and water for our marriage. We just had our 15th anniversary a couple weeks ago, and now we are finally going to be able to celebrate !

And it doesn't hurt that the place we will be will have not only the figurative sun and water of our time and attention for each other, but the literal sun and water, too !

Magic

2011-10-18T21:38:00.001-04:00

Stimey posted recently about her magic group, a magic group of friends that is, and it made me think of my magic group.

When Beezus was 2 days old, I was having trouble getting her to latch on. At 4 days old I was desperate and turned to the Breastfeeding Center for Greater Washington and scheduled an in-home consultation with a lactation consultant. With just two visits and some over the phone advice, the LC fixed our problems and Beezus went on to exclusively breastfeed for 6 months, and continued breastfeeding until 16 months of age.

During that time, I started attending weekly workshops/classes at the BCGW and met lots of other women. A couple of them organized some weekend playdates and then some Mom's Nights Out. After a few months, some of us asked if people would like to be more than just friends or a playgroup - an intentional community that would care for each other. Most said yes.

And here we are. Six years later. We joke about setting up a commune (I wasn't joking).

We are separated by geography, political ideology, parenting styles, religion, race, method of schooling, career status, career ambitions, marital status, and many other things. We started out living all around the DC area, and now several have moved out of the area and the rest of us are separated by downtown or Beltway traffic !

We've been having some mild growing pains lately since some of the kids have entered elementary school and life is pulling us in many different directions. One of the women said this recently: ". . . all these discussions have really reaffirmed our collective commitment to our friendships, in the various ways that they are evolving, and to maintaining the essential awesomeness of our group."

It's difficult to put into words what these women mean to me. What I can say is that I care deeply for them and their families, and they feel the same about me. I would not be half the mother I am without their wisdom.

So, yes, we are separated by many things, but we are united by respect and admiration for each other. In today's world, I think that's sort of magical.

A new reader and a new blog to read

2011-10-16T14:04:00.001-04:00

I always feel a bit nervous when I tell someone in my real life about my blog. I did that yesterday (Hi new reader J.) and am glad I did, because she in turn told me about a compilation blog that she stumbled across called Rhythm of the Home. The blog and the accompanying quarterly publication described itself as for people who follow the pedagogies of Montessori, Waldorf, and Reggio, or just for people who live intentionally. I thought that fit our family to a "T" since our home and parenting style encompass all of those (not sure where random yelling at your kids just because you are cranky comes in there, because we seem to do that too :-( .

Links: types of pre-school education , types of preschool education , types of early childhood education , nursery school

Perfect Attendance ? Fail.

2011-10-11T13:26:00.000-04:00

Well, I may as well add another quarter to the therapy jar, because a recent decision that Mr. Quimby and I made for our family has resulted in Beezus being unable to obtain an award in 13 years.

A few years ago, when I was the parent of a then 2 and 4 year old, I remember reading an article about a high school senior in a nearby county who had never missed a day of school. Kindergarten through 12th grade - never. In the hyper-competitive culture of Washington, DC where we live, this sort of dedication isn't necessarily unusual. Race to Nowhere or The Overachievers, anyone ?

I remember a familiar mantra of my childhood "You're not too sick to go to school. Now go get ready because I'm not going to walk in and tell the office why you are late - you'll have to and you'll feel embarrassed." It worked - I rarely was late or missed school.

Mr. Quimby and I have already decided that we are going to make different choices for our children. The downside of Mr. Q's job is that he gets to travel a lot to some random places in the U.S. Louisville, Kentucky. Albuquerque, New Mexico. Boise, Idaho. While those places aren't as exciting as Disney World for small children, the girls and I plan to go along for the ride whenever we can. I love the idea that our children may get the chance to see some of the great cities that have helped shape our country: Dallas, Texas. Kansas City, Missouri. New Orleans, Louisiana. Sacramento, California. (Okay, no offense, but that last one isn't quite in the same league).

When we can, we will tack on a couple days and do a quick family trip. I want them to get a feel for these cities, walk some of the streets, and see two or three of the iconic attractions or features of these places. I want them to see something different than what they grow up with.

We started this endeavor this past weekend. Mr. Q had a meeting in Chicago, Illinois on Monday afternoon, so we all flew out on Saturday morning and spent some time exploring a small town in rural Illinois as well as the city of Chicago. To do this, Beezus had to miss school on Monday and go in a little late on Tuesday. She was worried that she hadn't been able to do her homework on Monday evening (it was handed out in school on Monday). I explained to her that this was a choice our family was making and that her teacher would not be mad.

I know that other families would make different choices for their children and that's just fine for them as this choice is for me. Parenting (and the choices that go along with it) are deeply personal and individual experiences and within some established parameters, there's lots of room for choice. We won't be able to do this for all of Mr. Q's trips, and there may be years where it will be too difficult or stressful for the girls to miss 1-2 days of school, but I'm hopeful we can do it 1-2 times per year. I can't imagine that I would ever let my children stay home for fun but I will let them miss school for some out of the classroom learning.

Bon voyage !

Relationship Status

2011-10-05T10:28:00.000-04:00

Ramona asked me the other day who she was going to get married with.

Mrs. Q: Well, I don't know who you are going to marry. Who do you think you are going to marry ?
Ramona: I'm going to marry Beezus. I'm going to use my magic wand and change her in to a boy.
Mrs. Q: Well, two girls who are grown up can get married to each other. Your friend X has two mommies, and your friend Y, and your friend Z.
Ramona: My friend X has two mommies that are both girls ?
Mrs. Q: Yes. Actually, Ramona, you can't marry Beezus because she is your sister, and sisters can't get married to each other.
Ramona: Well, she's actually not my sister because I don't actually like her. I only like her a little bit.

New favicon

2011-10-04T12:41:00.001-04:00

Do you like my new favicon and picture at the right ?

It's one of the cover art images from the book "Ramona and her Mother." Obviously there are several different editions of the book and several different scenes on the cover art, but this is the one I remember from my childhood. It depicts a scene (I didn't even have to go on google and look up the details of this scene - I remember reading it) where Ramona and her mother are sitting in the yard and her mother is picking up the dandelion poofs and blowing them. Ramona is surprised that her mother does this (since all it does is make more dandelions) and then they spend some nice, quiet mother/daughter time together blowing the poofs.

Edited to add: Crap, why isn't the favicon showing up? It still looks like the random orange/white blogger symbol.

Naturalist's Pet

2011-10-03T21:32:00.000-04:00

A while ago, I blogged about how I was going to do nature Saturdays in the fall with my girls. I researched all the possible places in our area that could have nature stuff, I made up an elaborate schedule cross referencing those programs that were only offered one time with those programs that were repeated. I honestly can't remember what we did, although I do recall that one of the highlights was the honey festival at the National Wildlife Visitor Center at the Patuxent Research Refuge and the tram ride around the property.

Life got busy and Beezus started playing soccer and the intentional effort to go out and do nature stuff was forgotten and we remained content with the wooded park and stream behind our house, and watching Sid the Science Kid and reading or watching The Cat in the Hat Knows A Lot About That and the science that I try to incorporate into our daily routine, such as this:
Beezus: It rained last night, Mom.
Mrs. Q: How do you know ? What are the clues ?
Beezus: The street is wet.
Mrs. Q: How do you know it wasn't somebody washing their car ?
Beezus: The leaves on the trees have water on them.
and so on and so forth.

A field trip with Ramona's class to Brookside Nature Center found me back at the place where it all started. The naturalist who led the program was fantastic. She was very animated and it made me get even more excited looking at her. During part of the program she encouraged the parents to roll back the logs on the ground so the children could see what was underneath them. Ramona and I found a beetle and some salamander eggs and it was very exciting. When the beetle tried to burrow back under the dirt, I told Ramona that it was sort of the same thing as when I try to wake her up in the morning and she tries to burrow back under her pillows. The naturalist liked that metaphor.

Ramona spotted a few other things, and at the end of the walk, the naturalist patted me on the shoulder and said "She is a good explorer, and you've made her that way, Mom." I smiled and said that science wasn't necessarily my strong suit, so I needed to make an extra effort to make sure it was incorporated into my children's lives.

We've got a lot of traveling coming up in the next few weeks, but now that Ramona is riding a two wheeler (it is completely un-necessary for a 4 year old to be riding a two wheeler) I'm looking forward to nature themed family bike rides in November.

Play me some mountain music

2011-09-30T21:30:00.000-04:00

My friend Elaine runs a silent auction for her school and has a banjo up for auction. I want that banjo.

I have long known that Beezus would receive an American Girl doll for her 6th birthday. David and I gave her Kit and I started recording the early years of The Waltons and letting her watch snippets of it so that she/we would learn a little bit more about that time period. Well, one of the characters plays the banjo and occasionally you hear a snippet of some bluegrass / mountain music.

Then I started listening to bluegrass on pandora and am currently obsessed.

Which brings us to that banjo. I do not have the time to learn the banjo nor the space to store it, but I want it !

Unchartered Waters

2011-09-29T21:25:00.001-04:00

I started this post at the conclusion of Beezus' second week of elementary school. It languished in the drafts folder, and I decided to go back and edit it now, at the end of her 6th week of school.

At the end of the 2nd week of school, now about 4 weeks ago

I love thinking about why I'm feeling or thinking about something else. As I've mentioned before, whenever something is bothering me all it usually takes is some quiet time during my 35 minute commute to work to get to the bottom of it and the resolution comes pretty quickly thereafter. In fact, after years of this practice it is rare that I can't get to the bottom of it rather easily and it is also rare that my emotions catch me by surprise. At the ripe old age of 38, I know what makes me happy (almost everything, especially a snickers and a diet coke in the afternoon); what makes me sad; what makes me mad; and what makes me anxious.

I expected that the past few weeks of Beezus' entry into elementary school would be a deeply emotional time for me. They were, but not in the way I thought. I felt so good about her teacher, about the community at her school, about the way our family was working that I wasn't sad or anxious at all about that. I thought that I would feel wonderfully overwhelmed at the magnitude of her entire life stretching out in front of her, and there I was right - I did. I am so.excited. for her and what her life will bring I can hardly stand it.

Even the earthquake and the hurricane that we experienced in the D.C. area wasn't enough to shake my earlier excitement.

At the end of the first two weeks of school what I was been surprised by (although I shouldn't have been since my friend June told me a million times that this would happen) is the mix of emotions and the strength of the unexpected emotions.

By the end of the second week, fatigue was starting to set in, despite the new fall grid that I had sketched out. I'm still waiting on a couple details to fall into place which is why it isn't typed up yet ! But I was finding myself forgetting things, not being sure what made sense for dinner that night, and just generally not feeling in the groove yet.

The next day, I was feeling downright depressed. Sad that soon I wouldn't be walking Beezus in to her classroom anymore (only 1 other parent was still walking their child in); anxious that I had little control and even very little knowledge about what she was doing at school; and even a little fearful that it would be essentially this way for the next THIRTEEN years. THIRTEEN.

I told several people about these feelings, looking for some solace. I told the friendly clerk at 7-11. She's 6 months pregnant with her first child, a girl, and she said that she and her husband are so excited. I told her to enjoy the sleepless nights because soon enough she'll be going to elementary school and you won't know what she's doing. (hey - watch out for that crazy customer at 7-11: there's one in every store !) I stopped by for a visit with a friend who homeschools her children and she was so wonderfully sympathetic. I suspect she's been in that place before. I poured out my thoughts to one of my wonderful neighbors - a very well respected professor of international and comparative education. He joined in my lament that children start school here at 5 or 6 and agreed with me that the Fins have a much better system (children there start formal schooling at age 7). I even mentioned my feelings to the mother of one of Beezus' friends, someone who I suspected does not think deeply about these issues - she's really more of a kind of just go along with whatever is expected/whatever most people do kind of person. I was surprised that she said she is feeling the same way.

I briefly considered homeschooling, moving to Finland, or moving to Africa and joining a tribe where children don't leave their parents for formal schooling until 8 or 9.

As I thought about it that night and the next day, I figured out what was really, really bothering me and I calmed down a little. Unchartered waters. That's what it was. Dealing with a new schedule for our family is tough for me, handling the politics and the other parents (who are so very knowledgeable about our school) was, and probably will be for a long time, intimidating for me; not knowing what Beezus is doing is also hard for me.

And now, 6 weeks later . . .

In a nutshell, I've made my peace with this school. Rather, I've made my peace with the American education system. I accept the things that I have no control over and that cannot really be changed by me, our PTA, or even the principal. Class size and the state of our facilities. I accept that school is five days a week for 6 hours a day. I cannot change those things.

I celebrate the things that I like: the very well-educated teacher, the tentative relationships I'm forming with some of the parents who live outside our neighborhood, the PE and the music class 2-3 times a week, the wonderful after-school enrichment classes. The very friendly, very kind, tell it like it is principal. The PE teacher who knows Beezus' and Ramona's names. (Please note that Ramona does not even attend this school yet.)

I'm still feeling that, at times, the logistics of our life aren't falling in to place quite as easily as I would like. I've had some misunderstandings over hours and pay with our after-school nanny, and that's been awkward.
The older I get the more I try to accept that, to some extent, this is the way life is. There is no grid in the world that will make things easy. But I can try to be content and go with the flow of this busy-ness a little bit more.

As Beezus (and our family) embark on this new phase in our life, I'm encountering new and unexpected things. They just aren't the new and unexpected things I thought they would be.

At 38, life is still throwing me the occasional curve-ball. Guess I'm learning something new, too.

Elementary school tomorrow

2011-08-21T20:03:00.002-04:00

Beezus starts her first day of elementary school tomorrow. She will repeat kindergarten, because although she was old enough for kindergarten at the private school/pre-school/daycare she attended last year, she misses the age cut-off for the public schools by 13 days. Believe me, that is just fine with me.

We've met the other members of her class twice now and she is definitely the tallest and among the most mature. She likes her teacher, I can tell, and you know what ? So do I. Ms. Miller has 9 years teaching experience and is double certified in early childhood education and early childhood special education. She's also taught 1st grade and I think 3rd grade. She's energetic but not overbearing, and her classroom was as beautiful as can be in a small space with 25 children. It was well organized, which I think is critical for young children. My sister the teacher has strongly advised me to give Ms. Miller her space for the first six weeks, and I will do that. It's SO hard, though. I'm going to go ahead and have the county do my background check and fingerprints so I can be ready for lunchroom duty or recess duty as soon as she's ready for me.

I just posted on Facebook that I'm doing okay with all this, and mostly I am. I'm not nervous or apprehensive - I can see that we made a good choice for Beezus and I'm making my peace with the American education system and what I believe are it's inherent flaws. But when I think about it ? When I let my mind wander I get emotional. When I think about my baby who had trouble latching on, my toddler who took her first steps exactly on her first birthday at the breastfeeding center surrounded by several of the women whom I count among my dearest friends, my pre-schooler who was so very, very shy that I named myself as her "fierce protector", my four year old who was so afraid of putting her face in the water, my five year old who was swift on her balance bike and learned to ride a two-wheeler about 28 seconds after she got on it the first time, my girl who is the sister to her sister and how very, very kind she is to her little sister Ramona . . . well, I'm certainly not "fine" after writing all this. Actually, scratch that. I am fine. It's just fine to be emotional at every transition in your child's life, and especially on one as monumentuous as starting elementary school.

I've said before that I remember my kindergarten classroom and my kindergarten teacher like it was yesterday. I also remember my first day of elementary school, the classroom, and my teacher Miss Purdue. (Although I didn't start elementary school until 1st grade). I have no memories of my mother on my first day, except that I do remember wondering why she wanted to take my picture. So, I just have to make sure I don't do anything tomorrow to cause Beezus to remember me on this day. I find it very comforting to have these memories as I mother Beezus during this time. I wonder if she will remember. I hope so.

I think I'm going to go have a drink now with Mr. Quimby and celebrate this child that we have raised.

If you're starting school tomorrow or anytime in the next few weeks, warmest wishes to you and yours.

Review of The Help

2011-08-10T08:46:00.006-04:00

The display of the fictional bookstore in the movie where the book "The Help" is sold.

I recently was able to go with my dear friend Elaine to see an advance screening of The Help, based on the book of the same name by Kathryn Stockett. In a nutshell, I loved it and thought it was a fantastic movie. It's always SO HARD to see a movie after reading a book that you loved and I did get irritated because I thought there were some central pieces of the book that were left out of the movie, but that's the way it goes. I loved being able to see the neighborhoods and homes of Hilly, Elizabeth, Skeeter, Minny, and Aibileen. Aibileen's and Minny's houses were almost exactly as I had pictured them, particularly the kitchen and kitchen door in Minny's house.

Aibileen's kitchen.

There was an area where I thought the movie did a better job than the book, and that was in explaining that Hilly and Elizabeth (and the other families who had help_ were not necessarily rich people, but solidly middle class. Although there was a conversation in the book where one character laments the poor girls in south Jackson who can't afford any help, the book didn't make it quite clear that even most of the middle class families of Jackson, Mississippi had help. Elizabeth even made her own clothes to save money and I imagine that some of that savings is what permitted her husband to be able to pay for a maid. The scenes where the neighborhood was pictured clearly established that these families were not living in mansions - rather they were in three bedroom ranch houses. I have to give the director a lot of credit for that setting the scenes the way he did.

My mom and sisters are also big fans of the book, The Help. I didn't read it in print the first time but listened to it as an audiobook. It was beautiful and I was particularly touched by Aibileen's relationship with Mae Mobley and got teary over the depictions of their relationship.

My mom is an adult fiction buyer for a small, independent bookstore in Alabama. As part of her responsibilitites, she gets to go to these book show/convention type things to see the books out there that are planned for release in the next year or so. There are many authors at these events and some of them include opportunities to meet and spend time with authors. After one of these events a few years ago, Mom called to relate that she had had the nicest conversation at a luncheon with a female author "about the age of you girls." I asked my mom to recall the meeting and am delighted to introduce her as a guest poster:

"It was at the Southern Independent Booksellers Alliance annual tradeshow in Mobile in Spetember of 2009. During that 3 day event, Kathryn was a participant in the Moveable Feast of Authors, a luncheon during which authors move from table to table talking about their books to independent booksellers from the SE United States. I was fortunate enough to have her sit right next to me. We had a grand discussion about many aspects of race relations. As I was talking to her at the luncheon (you know, I was the self-proclaimed expert on racial issues having lived in Selma and I even argued a few points with her for which she thanked me when I ran into her later). I thought she was too young and too privileged to have written such a book. To myself I am saying "she cannot possibly have a clue".

I started reading the advanced reader's copy later that day and I was blown away. In the ARC was a letter from the publisher, Amy Einhorn, asking readers to e-mail her with comments about the book. Of course I e-mailed her when I was about in the middle of the book telling her my original opinion of the author's ability to write such a story and how my mind was quickly and completely changed. After a few e-mails back and forth, I asked Amy to send my comments to the author, which she did. Kathryn and I later corresponded several times. As soon as the book was published, I received a beautiful, pristine, personalized copy which I will treasure always.

When she did a telephone talk with my book club, Kathryn said she had absolutely no idea the book would be as popular as it was and was astounded that it had been translated into so many languages. As a book seller, I can say that I have personally sold dozens and dozens of copies of this book and every customer who came back to me to talk about it loved it. I am thrilled that it has done so well. "

So, in summary: WELL DONE to the Director (and screenwriter)Tate Taylor and a VERY WELL DONE to the author, Kathryn Stockett.

Oh, and I got to go to the advance screening of the movie FOR FREE as a guest of my friend Elaine who was a guest of a PR company, but these opinions are mine all mine ! I, of course, couldn't resist trying to get a couple laughs during the trivia quiz before the movie, and I just hope I didn't embarass Elaine and I hope the PR company doesn't lose my application to be on their press list.

July Recap

2011-08-03T15:53:00.000-04:00

I'm still here. We're having a mostly fun summer and I'm just not able to get to the computer. In addition to all the photos I have below to show what we've been doing, I've also been trying to de-clutter. I'm going room by room, drawer by drawer and de-cluttering, sorting, and organizing.

We've been traveling quite a bit and for my family, that means that when we are home we really have to focus on our systems so that things are harmonious. Mr. Q. was suffering from symptoms related to a mild concussion, Ramona was having pooping issues (FREAKING AGAIN OH MY GAHHHHHHD !!!) on and off, and Beezus and I were just trying to keep the peace. That also meant I needed to keep the house tidied up and laundry clean for everyone.

Although I've had to not see friends more often than I would like and they've certainly had to bear the brunt of some whiney phone calls or e-mails, it's been a really, really nice summer. I don't know if future summers will feel like this, but absent the causes of whining (see above) I'd say it's been pretty darn perfect. We've had lots of time at the pool, lots of time outside, and lots of unstructured time inside to play. We haven't done any sort of worksheets or academic work, except for the normal reading books, "writing" notes, coloring from imagination, cooking, riding bikes, looking at the creek when it doesn't have much water and after a storm, watching TWO families of birds in our yard work their way through their life cycle, counting to 100 while they brush their teeth, playing pretend (the current favorites are lifeguard and little girl who hurts herself and needs a band-aid out of the lifeguard room; teacher; Fluffy the Cat; and sisters. In Fluffy the Cat they meow and LICK each other (gross) and in Sisters they pretend to be sisters. Different sisters than the real life sisters they are, of course.) So, yeah, guess they haven't been learning anything since we haven't been doing any "work." Oh, well, there is one thing. When they call for me, instead of saying "I'll be there in a minute" I say, "Count to 20 and I'll be there." So, maybe they are learning something there.

I've been feeling nostalgic for my own childhood and have spent time on google maps tracing the routes my mom used to take with my sisters and I in the summer. It's interesting the things I can remember once I start down memory lane. I had a trip to the place where I spent my middle school and high school years - it's a different sort of nostalgia than the early childhood years, but wonderful nonetheless.

Here's what we've been up to:

Independence Day Parade
Beezus had a hard time managing her bike in the crowd, but did fine when we brought up the rear.

Ramona's birthday cake.
Hell yeah I made it !

Mr. Q has perfected two fabulous dinners we take to the pool. He cooks them at home, pre-heats an empty casserole dish in the oven, packs all the food in there, takes it in a Pyrex portable, and it stays warm/hot for 2 hours.

Eggs from the robin's nest. The nest was in a hanging plant on our front porch, so we got a great view. We watched the robins lay the eggs, sit on them, hatch them, and feed the just born birds. Then we say 2 of the 3 birds take their first flight.

Beezus swimming. I was a red cross certified swim teacher in high school/college. I checked out a couple books from the library, brushed up on my skills, and gave lessons this summer to both girls. Then I paid myself for the lessons !

Playing sisters.

Ramona ready for the pool. I had to make this photo bigger because it is just so cute !

A Bike Ride for Beezus

2011-06-21T13:54:00.009-04:00

Beezus on her two-wheeler bike with pedals.

In a recent development, Beezus is riding a two wheeled bicycle WITH pedals and WITHOUT training wheels. For the past couple years, she's been riding a strider (also called pedal-less bike or walking bike) bike fairly regularly, which was generously given to us by La Vida Cochinillo, Ms. Vickie. (Ms. Vickie was a big fan to kids learning to ride bikes using the pedal-less method). Although Beezus would occasionally ride a too-small bike with pedals and training wheels, her "official" bike has not had pedals (or training wheels) for over a year. We bought her a good quality bike from REI about a year ago, and asked the guy to take off the pedals. She's been asking to put the pedals back on for a couple weeks, but before I said yes, I've been challenging her to balance for longer distances and to ride further. I knew she was ready when we rode to the library recently (about .5 mile) and a couple days later we took the bike into REI for a check-up and to have the pedals put back on.

We took the bike out of the store, she got on it on the sidewalk, used her feet to get her moving and then started pedaling. We came home and within a half hour or so, she was riding from one end of the block to the other. The next day she rode it the entire way to Target, about .7 of a mile.

When she started on the sidewalk at home, her face would alternate between expressions of glee and concentration. When she concentrates she presses her lips into a thin line and her face reminds me of how she looked when she was a toddler and would be attempting to climb over the baby gate. Then I just want to throw myself on the grass and cry and sob with sadness and excitement over her growing up.

Ramona on the wooden pedal-less bike.
Generously donated to our family by Ms. Vickie !

Ramona, bless her heart, is having a hard time with her sister leaving her behind. Ramona is now the proud owner of the wood strider bike, and keeps up pretty well on our bike rides. She also figured out recently that no matter how old she gets, Beezus will always be older. This realization, combined with being left behind (at least until the end of every block with Beezus stops and waits for her) has been the cause of many tears of frustration on the sidewalk. She likes to casually roll her bike onto the sidewalk blocking Beezus' path, so that Beezus has to go around her.

I remember learning to ride a two-wheeler. My bike was a dark pink with a white seat. I remember each of my parents taking turns running along behind me holding the seat and the feeling of lightness when they let go and I was pedaling on my own. One of of our bike rides along the path through our town park, I asked Beezus to stop and close her eyes and try to remember this bike ride so that she maybe tell her kids about it when she gets older.

These times are so precious to me. It's hard to think that she may not remember them.

Beezus riding her strider bike (aka walking bike) in March 2009. She was 3 1/2 years old.
Beezus on bike - March 2009 from Ellen T on Vimeo.

Beezus riding her two-wheeler bike in June 2011. She is 5 3/4 years old.

A Bike Ride for Beezus from Ellen T on Vimeo.

The Wonder Days

2011-06-20T13:35:00.001-04:00

In the airport. They reached out their hands to each other at the same moment.

I keep thinking that if I were more organized, or watched a little less tv, or made up a new grid, or read fewer blogs, or didn't check facebook, or ... something, that I would be able to accomplish everything I need to do. Including blogging more regularly. And yes, I could probably gain about one hour per week with those things. But that's it.

My days are filled with either work or two little girls or trying to squeeze in 30 minutes chatting on the couch with Mr. Q or the housekeeping tasks that go along with this role I have chosen. Best of all, we are in a stretch of "wonder days" and my children are so amazing right now that I want to spend every minute with them. Although they are still cranky and mis-behaved on occasion, we seem to be in sync. I've figured out a couple of the behavioral irritations they've been having and while they still have them, my response to them is better.

One of Ramona's jobs is to take all the girls' shoes by the front door, knock off the dirt outside, and then put them away in the girls room.

I find myself jotting down words or phrases on a scrap of paper, or running for the camera, or shutting my eyes for a second and trying to take a mental picture so that I will remember that moment forever. Much like this time or this other time. These, these are the moments that I pray I will never forget. When I am an old, old lady I will pull out these moments like a string of pearls and hold them in my hands and move them through my fingers one by one and pass the time remembering them.

In the past couple weeks, I've gone camping with Beezus' kindergarten class. I relished those moments spent alone with her in the context of the larger group. Ramona has become even more verbal, so clearly articulating what she is unhappy about and how I can fix it. While she still has her moments of challenge, Mr. Q. and I are both better and disfusing the situation more quickly. Beezus had a beautifully simple "graduation" from kindergarten and from the daycare/pre-school/kindergarten that she has attended for five years. I almost went into the ugly cry while presenting the children's class gift to the classroom, I was so filled with gratitude for her experience at this place, and especially for her (first) kindergarten year there.
Ramona transitioned to her summer camp classroom (which will also be her classroom during the academic year) with relative ease, and leaves me each morning without clutching or crying.

We play outside, we play at the pool, we ride bikes, they dance in shows that features "loud music" in the living room, we travel to one family member's house via car for the weekend and then to Aunt Sarah's house for another weekend via plane. Mr. Q and I look at the items laid out to pack and wonder what we are forgetting, because these big girls require a lot less stuff than the toddler and pre-schooler we used to have. They are reasonable in the airports, at rest stops, in the car, and on the airplane.

We take a quick day trip to Sesame Place one the way back from New Jersey, and they walk through a large portion of the park. They wait in lines and try new rides.

I am thankful for every moment. I've said it before and I'll say it again. When I am an old, old lady I will pull out these moments like a string of pearls and hold them in my hands and move them through my fingers one by one and pass the time remembering them.

Beezus helps Ramona button her Elmo Christmas (winter) pajamas.

The yin and the y-anggggg

2011-05-25T15:20:00.000-04:00

Most of the time when people talk about the yin and the yang of life, it's in regards to something meaningful.

This is not one of those meaningful posts.

I have a yin-yang relationship with shopping. I hate the act of going shopping at a mall and I really hate spending money - but I love the thrill of finding a good bargain.

I had the opportunity to find a good bargain recently because I needed a new carafe pot for my coffee maker. I needed a new one because when I went to take my old one off the shelf where it was jammed in next to the waffle maker, the old carafe pot fell onto the floor and shattered. I knew that I didn't need to order a replacement from the manufacturer, as I've seen these orphan carafe pots at the thrift store a million times, often for $2.82. Heck, I could even buy a coffee maker and carafe pot and pay $4.82 and just toss the coffee maker back into the donation pile.

I headed out to the closest thrift store, where I found nothing one that was close but not the perfect fit. There was no need to settle for not perfect at this point. A couple days later I was in the vicinity of two other thrift stores. No luck at the first one, but at the second one they had the EXACT coffee maker with the carafe pot intact for $5.64. I snatched it up and proceeded triumphantly to the check-out. As I lifted it out of the cart, it tipped slightly and off slid the carafe pot onto the floor, where it shattered. I'm not sure who I was more mad at: the thrift store for not taping the carafe pot to the maker, or me for breaking ANOTHER one !

But that yin was followed by a yang on another day.

I was preparing for a camping trip with Beezus' kindergarten class and I needed an adaptor to be able to inflate my air mattress using the car battery (since I won't have either of my regular camping buddies around to borrow their air pump). I have a perfectly good air mattress and air pump, but no adaptor to use in the car. A new air pump specifically made for cars wasn't an option since my air mattress only works with it's own air pump and I figured that a new mattress and air pump would be more expensive than an adaptor. So I headed to the local big box office supply store to get an adaptor so that I can use a polarized outlet plug in the car. Well, they had one option and the tag read $60. After some thought and some consultation with Mr. Q over the phone, I decided to buy it but would double check at Target and REI to see if they had any combination air mattresses/pumps that were less than $60.

I was PSYCHED when I got to the checkout and the adaptor rang up as $30. Knowing that there was no way that a air mattress and pump would cost less than that, I happily bought it !

ka-changgggggg !

Frog and Toad-verload

2011-05-24T16:19:00.000-04:00

I love classic children's books. One of my very favorite authors in the entire world, is, naturally, Beverly Cleary. But beyond Mrs. Cleary, I enjoy other classics, too. My parents are the anti-hoarders, but they have kept at least 50-60 of our books from childhood, and when I read them with the girls the memories come flooding back to me. I don't remember any Arnold Lobel books from my childhood, but when I saw the illustrations on one of his books at the library, I knew that I wanted to read them with the girls. We started off a few months ago listening to the audio books in the car. When I saw that our season subscription for Adventure Theatre included tickets for the young audience version of the Broadway show A Year With Frog and Toad, I also picked up the soundtrack.

In a funny coincidence, the local elementary school chose A Year with Frog & Toad as their annual production and it coincided with the same weekend that we had tickets for the Adventure Theatre version. The two productions were different, of course, and the girls loved them equally but for different reasons. Ramona can act out the first couple scenes pretty well. In fact, I'm on a hunt for an old calendar with rip off pages so that she can act it out more accurately.

So between the books, the performances, and the sound-track we've had a lot of Frog & Toad recently.

I find that in my experience of mothering, I get messages at different times that reinforce what I really value. Sometimes, it's one of the girls saying something to me like, "Don't you know you shouldn't yell at little children ?" More often than not, it's reading another blogger who reminds me of the things I really value. But I never expected to get a message from a children's musical, particularly one that I was already familiar with and had heard several times already.

When I heard the following lyrics, I was pretty darn surprised at how they sum up how I feel a lot of the time:
Sometimes the days, they can be very busy

So I like to stop and think now and then
I think of the reasons I have to be happy
And that makes me happy all over again

I think I do a good job of knowing all the reasons I have to be happy. Even when I'm compaining about housework or being busy, I know how fortunate my family is. In this case, hearing those lyrics pop out at me reminded me to stop in the middle of the busy days. So, that afternoon, each girl got their own box of popcorn instead of having to share 1 box, and we rode the carousel a second time, and later on, we played Go Fish underneath the table in the dining room instead of doing laundry.

Best of all, when we saw a couple of the actors from the show relaxing at one of the picnic tables, I asked Beezus and Ramona if they wanted to go over with me and sing the chorus of "Snail with the Mail" to them. Beezus said she would, but chickened out when we got over there, so I sang it all by myself. As I looked at my girls and saw the looks of sheer delight on their faces, it just made me happy all over again.

Hostess in (enter) Training

2011-05-16T21:57:00.001-04:00

Way back when my girls were a toddler and an infant, I would moan to most anyone who would listen about the state of my house, how tedious I found the house-hold chores, how worried I was that I would never be able to "get anything done" ever again. Well intentioned people would say "don't worry about the house-work, they're only young once" and I would grimly think "I stopped worrying about the house-work when they were born. I just want everyone to have clean underwear."

Oh wait, I was JUST whining about that very same thing to my friend H. last week !

Mr. Q and I would sink on the couch at night in a tired stupor and watch those shows on HGTV and laugh at all the people who said they needed a house built for "entertaining." "WHO in the HELL has the time or energy to entertain" we would ask each other, while wondering if there was something wrong with us. No, nothing was wrong with us, we were just still figuring out how to do everything, that's all.

Now that I reflect on it, it has gotten a teensy bit easier now that I have a little girl and an almost big girl. The change came in stages. First I found that I was able to make dinner (not a complicated one, mind you, just an easy one). Then "the stuff" of babyhood started disappearing: bottles, bibs, burp cloths, plastic cups, etc. They were replaced, for sure, with other toys and stuff, but these girls I have now are quite capable of helping to tidy up because there is a place for every specific thing. Even the bi-weekly "big tidy up before the cleaning lady comes" doesn't take quite as long as it used to. The bottom line is that our family (and definitely Mr. Q and I) function better when the house is tidy, so we tidy up almost every day to keep it that way.

Now that I've been cooking for about 3 years, I've also become rather proficient at certain dishes. I have also developed the ability to roughly get all the food on the table at about the same time. Our tiny kitchen does present some challenges, but I've figured out how to manage.

With both of these developments, I wanted to try and start having people over for dinner or, heck, just to hang out more often. Since I guard our family time so viciously, we tend to be a little hermit like at times, and I thought these efforts would be a nice antidote to that tendency.

My first foray, a meeting for a group I'm involved with, went pretty well. There were about 10 people coming over at night for a meeting and refreshments afterwards. I served several things, including a veggie dip that I made from a mix, a warm chicken salad from scratch, a candy called "Alabama Turtles", and peanut butter cookies from a mix. I also served prosecco, of course ! I set the table with one of my vintage tablecloths (I collect them - post coming soon) and a mix of serving dishes that included contemporary pieces that were wedding presents, vintage thrift store finds, and my favorite, my grandmother's antique dessert plates. Mr. Q obviously helped me get ready (best husband ever) and I was so proud of myself. Thankyouverymuch.

The table

The sweet section. Note the "Alabama Turtles"
on the upper right hand plate.

The veggie section

My second foray didn't go so well. Ramona came down with one of her high fevers of 102, (please note, dear friend June, that I handled this one all by my big girl self !) and I had to cancel on our dinner guests by leaving a voice mail message ! As I'm typing this, I'm also realizing that I never called our intended guests to apologize again in person. Gah !

In between the 2nd and 3rd forays, we hosted a playgroup for my mother's group, the Milk Moms. But I almost don't count that because they are wonderful friends and I didn't provide any snacks. It was BYOS (bring your own snacks). In fact, I think the house was tidier when they left because they all picked up !

My third and fourth forays are coming up. The third foray will be a dinner for my three friends from college who live in the area and I'll be cooking some of my tried and true (from scratch) dinner recipes. The fourth foray will be an open house for the TEN little girls and their moms who live on our street. We have a new neighbor who is 18 months and since we have this proliferation of little girls on our street, I thought it would be fun to get them together. The menu for the open house will be a repeat of the menu from the first.

Gosh, at this rate, Mr. Q and I might even go a bit crazy and start ENTER-TrAINING !

Question: Do you have people over regularly ? Is it easy for you ? Tell me about it !

Well hello there !

2011-05-13T13:59:00.000-04:00

Hello new readers !

If you are one of the people who found this blog via my SELECTIVE status update on facebook, then welcome ! If this is the first blog you have ever looked at, then pull up a chair and sit down because you are in for a fun ride.

I started blogging regularly back in February of 2008. Several of my IRL (in real life) friends blogged, I read several other parenting focused blogs, and it seemed like a nice way to create an on-line memoir of parenting my young children. I knew from the start that I didn't want to tell everyone I knew about it. I didn't necessarily want a cousin or a neighbor to know what was inside my head. It did, and still does, feel safer to have 95% of my readers not know me IRL.

Over the years, I read more blogs and made more on-line friends. Contrary to what some people might think, it doesn't take up a lot of extra time. When other people watch tv at night, I blog or read. When other people do their other hobbies, I blog.

Over time, it has evolved into less of a recounting of funny stories about my husband or children, and more to be a reflection of what I'm thinking about at any given time. To that end, I created pseudonyms for us. I go by Thrift Store Mama, or Mrs. Quimby. My husband is obviously Mr. Quimby. Our oldest daughter (now 5 3/4 years old) is Beezus and our younger daughter (3 3/4 years old) is Ramona. I also use pseudonyms for the three women in my neighborhood who occasionally appear. (June, A., and A., hmmm, that could be confusing since A. and A. are different people). The friends from my mother's group are identified by their first initials or if they are bloggers, by their first names. Family are usually identified by their relationship or names.

I love the writing and I love reading other blogs. I love that I can have a connection with someone far away. By sharing it with you, I hope to challenge myself to post more regularly, on a wider variety of topics, and to write better. So maybe we spoke last week or maybe we haven't spoken in 20 years, but as I thought about the people I wanted to share it with, you were on the list. I trust you to read with an open mind, to not judge me, and most of all, not to tell anybody else that I know in real life about this ! (but please share it with other people who don't know me !) What I have to say isn't always nice, or uplifting, and it certainly doesn't always cast me in a good light. But it is most definitely honest. Most of my family doesn't know and NONE of my neighbors or neighborhood friends know (except 3).

Over on the right hand side of the page you'll see a list of the other blogs that I read regularly. Check them out - you are sure to find something you like.

Please leave a comment to let me know you are here. If you don't want to sign in, that's fine. I've enabled anonymous comments and you can just leave your initials in the text field.

Hope to see you again soon.

Wordless Wednesday: Playing Co-op Sale

2011-05-11T22:00:00.000-04:00

Stewie

2011-05-11T21:27:00.000-04:00

Stewie, looking to the left.

I recently described Ramona as being like Stewie Griffith from the Family Guy. Some of my friends asked me to elaborate and I had trouble putting into words the cunning nature that I believe she possesses.

But an incident today sums it up nicely.

We had had a busy day. There was some down time, but it was just busy. In the evening, after dinner, she was done. D-O-N-E done. She kicked her friend in the shins. Twice. As I was scolding her, Beezus told me that a few minutes before that Ramona had bitten her on the arm. I knew Ramona didn't need more scolding at that point. She needed to be held.

So I held her, and then walked up the stairs to the front door while saying to her, "Ramona, you may not bite your sister when you are mad."

Ramona responded with this justification for not receiving some punishment, "Well . . . Mommy . . . actually I didn't actually bite her. I just TRIED to bite her."

Ramona, loking to the left.

New reads

2011-05-09T12:43:00.000-04:00

I've stumbled across three new blogs recently that you may also enjoy.

One is a crafting blog - Lucy Jane Gallery
The writer is someone from my past life whom I've become re-acquainted with and is also just a fantastic all-around person whom I would love to spend some more time with in the future. Although I gotta say, her blog could really stand to be updated more often. However, with three kids, a husband who works and is also doing a PhD and her active involvement in the PTA, I'm guessing blogging is pretty low on her list. She describes mother her young children as a vocation, and I just love the sound of that.

I stumbled across the Smitten Kitchen while looking for a replacement for my 24 inch 1960s era stove. Lots of the posts are about cooking, but I particularly love the ones about kitchen organization. http://smittenkitchen.com/2008/11/how-to-max-out-your-tiny-kitchen/

Finally, now that the girls are getting older, I'm feeling some inspiration to spruce up some areas of the house. While our house isn't strictly a bungalow (it's really a Cape Cod bungalow turned lengthways with some elements of the Chicago style as well) the site American Bungalow also has some inspirational reading and forums. I LOVE forums ! The site also has a blog roll, but in the interest of actually getting some work done, I haven't taken a look at those yet !

Stumbling across these things makes me realize that there are so many more topics that I would love to blog about on a regular basis. I'm thinking about setting up a little schedule for myself to provide some self-motivation !

Happy Reading.

Mother's Day 2011

2011-05-08T18:30:00.001-04:00

I'm re-posting my favorite Mother's Day post here (from 2008) and links to other Mother's Day posts are at the end.

from May 11, 2008

What a lovely day thus far.

Mr. Quimby gave me a corsage to wear today. It's an old school tradition, but I love it, and ask him every year to get me one. Beezus and I went to church by ourselves - it's much easier than trying to deal with Ramona who is already overdue for her nap by the time we arrive at church. Our church has lots of children and the priest frequently makes a point to say how glad he is that they are there, but it's just not fair to Ramona to keep her from taking a regular nap. The priest gave mothers a special blessing, and I loved how inclusive he was - he specifically referenced physical mothers, spiritual mothers, people like mothers and then offered a special prayer for people who have had children who died and people who have lost their own mothers. I suspect that if more people went to churches with a priest like this, we would have fewer people leaving the Catholic church.

After church we picked up Mr. Q and Ramona and went to Starbucks, mmmm!

During mass I was thinking about the other Mother's Days I have experienced. As a child, the excitement of doing something nice for Mom; as an adolescent, trying not to argue with my sisters for the day (my mother's one request); as a teenager the begrudging-ness of having to think about someone else besides myself for a change; and as a young married woman being very, very glad I didn't have kids yet and not even really desiring them.

And then it changed.

The Mother's Day (2004) when my very last high school/college friend was pregnant, and I wondered if David and I would ever be ready. Mother's Day (2005) when I had been pregnant in the past year, had suffered a devastating loss and was now pregnant again (and starting to show) by the time Mother's Day rolled around. I was so happy and so proud. Mother's Day (2006) with an amazing baby girl. I breastfed during Mass (all the nursing mothers in our parish do) and cried with joy over the completeness of it all. Then Mother's Day (2007) with a rambunctious toddler and 7 months pregnant - and I probably cried again.

And this Mother's Day - with a delightful little girl sitting next to me, nursing her doll "Ola-baby" and my 2nd baby girl and husband at home - and crying again over the completeness of it all.

Other Mother's Day posts:

2010

2009

Sprinkles, sprinkles everywhere

2011-05-06T17:48:00.010-04:00

I fancy myself a bit of a baker. I like to bake cakes and cupcakes that look elaborate but more often than not, the frosting may be from scratch, but the cake mix is ALWAYS a boxed cake mix. Frankly, I think I do a fairly good job in the decorating department and I don't think that my baking tastes bad.

Or at least I didn't used to.

As you undoubtedly know, there is a proliferation of cupcake places in and around DC. I've had cupcakes from several. I thought the frosting was greasy at one famous place, and the cupcakes from another famous place upset my stomach.

So, when I wrangled an invitation to an event for bloggers at Sprinkles, I was nervous. I wanted to like the cupcakes ! The event was a party atmosphere for the children to decorate their cupcakes. After the girls decorated a few, I let them eat a mini one. I wanted to taste one SO BADLY but none of the other moms were and I wasn't quite sure of the etiquette, so I didn't.

The girls had a good time. The women running the party didn't put out TOO many cupcakes at one time and there were small containers of various sorts of sprinkles that kept being replenished. There were several different flavors of cupcakes, four options for frosting, three options for sprinkles, and about 10 different hard fondant decorations. I thought it was just the right amount to give the children variety without being too overwhelming.

I so desperately wanted one of my girls to make me a red velvet cupcake with cream cheese frosting and white chocolate jimmie type sprinkles. Sadly, they didn't comply, but I did finally convince Beezus to choose a red velvet cupcake and frost it with vanilla frosting.

The party room was really cute. Pink floors, white walls, well lit, ample space for three tables each seating 8 children. There was a sink in the room and a bathroom about 4 feet away. I mentioned to another mother that a close by bathroom is one of my essential criteria for a gathering of young children.

There was even a little nook with some cupcake inspired stools in case a child needed to chill out, and three great big windows with sills perfect for kneeling on if a child needed to veg out.

Based on another mom’s recommendation, I told the girls we could only decorate enough cupcakes for one box. And that was plenty.

Because I also took home a box of GORGEOUS Mother’s Day cupcakes. Per Sprinkles’ instructions, I wrapped them in plastic wrap, and then for good measure wrapped them in another layer. I popped those babies in the freezer and plan on eating one BEFORE CHURCH with my coffee on Sunday morning, which is, of course, Mother’s Day.

If my children had birthday parties where they invited friends, I would definitely consider hosting a party here. You could definitely do it on a low-key type vibe, with a book or two about cupcakes, a craft, a game of “cupcake toss” with stuffed cupcakes, of course, and obviously, some cupcake decorating !

Sprinkles also has a cupcake mix with their frosting recipe on the back. I’m looking forward to picking some up next time I’m in the area.

I used sheer will power to wait until after dinner to taste my cupcake. Man, was it good ! The cake part was SO moist and flavorful. My kids didn’t put enough frosting on the cupcakes they made for me, but I can’t blame that on Sprinkles !

Thank you Sprinkles for inviting me to your event. I LOVED the cupcakes and didn't find the frosting greasy and they also didn't upset my stomach. The two women helping out (the general manager and ass't manager ?) couldn't have been any nicer and the general manager patiently answered my questions about how they make their frosting. I can't wait to enjoy my complimentary box of MOM cupcakes on Sunday morning !

And sorry readers about the wonky spacing above. I've been threatening for a long time, but I am really serious about switching to word press !!!

Welcome May !!!

2011-05-01T11:36:00.000-04:00

Man, am I ever glad that it is May !!! The end of March and all of April was a really busy month for us, much busier than I would have liked. Most of it wasn't stressful, thankfully, except for the last two weeks which were stressful due to work stress. Thankfully, I am NEVER too proud to ask for help, and ask I did. As I alluded to earlier, I had a lot of support.

I am also happy to report that I stuck to almost all my goals. It felt great.

When I was in first grade, I remember my teacher telling us about the tradition of May Day baskets. We made flowers out of colored kleenex and twist ties and put them into gallon milk jugs that we had made into baskets. I've been enchanted with the idea of May Day, but never done anything about it. But I can still be enchanted.

Adding gasoline to the fire

2011-04-19T23:53:00.000-04:00

As if the next 10 days aren't crazy enough, I'm determined to make a bunny cake and some baby bunnies for Easter. I've got this whole ritual planned for Easter and part of it involves new table decorations on our dining room table and this bunny cake as the centerpiece. (What ? There were no bunny cakes when Jesus came out of the tomb ? Of course not, because Mary probably couldn't find the decorating directions on the Internet, that's why !)

I can remember my mom making a bunny cake occasionally, and I think my aunt made a lamb cake when I was in college and would go to her house for Easter.

Me ? I'm doing this because I found these pans at the thrift store for about $4.00 and they sell on e-Bay for about $15 and retail for about the same.

Of course, they came with no instructions, but I found some on the Wilton web site. They even tell you what order to do the steps in, and give you a list of supplies that I will take to the grocery store and stand in the candy aisle looking at all those little bags of candy until I find the right ones. Mr. Q and I split the grocery shopping about 70/30 but there's NO WAY I will ask him to do this chore.

However, I am not going to be ashamed to throw in the towel if I am tired or just don't feel like it. Fair enough. (I'm secretly hoping to con my mother into helping me ! Luckily she doesn't read this blog ha ha ha ha).

I believe

2011-04-19T00:20:00.007-04:00

I had promised myself that I would write about this.

But it's hard, because it's such a deeply personal experience and not only do I not want people to think I am losing my marbles, I also don't want them to think that I am a religious nut. Because it seems to me that many people discount religious nuts.

See, I've been on a sort of spiritual upswing lately, and it's, well, it's kind of amazing and I just feel like I have to share it with you. It swells my heart, this love that I feel from the Father and it spills over into all the other areas of my life. I have Susan to thank for getting it started actually. When she told us about the novena I definitely felt compelled to go.

I arrived by myself the first night, at the Chapel of Our Lady. I was hesitant, not knowing the others, and I selected a seat across the room from the door. The service started and within a couple minutes I felt my soul settle into prayer and I felt the Holy Spirit wash over me. I'm sure it's different for different people, but for me it's a small shiver and then a feeling of deep calm and I can feel my self kind of sinking into myself, for lack of a better descriptor.

I've always loved praying in communion with others. From my first retreat in 8th grade, to the retreats in high school and college, to the retreat that Mr. Q and I went on for marriage preparation, I've always felt the power that comes from praying with others, and especially from lifting voices in song together.

That night, I started to pray the rosary, my fingers moving over the beads that were a wedding gift from my husband 14 1/2 years ago. It felt so familiar, so comforting. It felt like home.

A lady knelt in front of me, with a dark curly ponytail cascading down her back.

After a few minutes, I glanced over to the right and noticed a shadow on the wall. I instantly thought "MARY" for the shadow on the wall mimicked the profile of the Blessed Mother as she is often depicted with her head covered and bowed looking at the baby Jesus or in prayer. It was so clear. The word "among" popped into my hear instantly. As I've reflected on this experience since then, I now have the feeling that it was more of a phrase: "I am among you."

The lady with the curly ponytail stayed for a while and then left.

The time for prayer ended, I stood to leave and stopped to introduce myself to the organizer. As I left, I saw the lady with the curly ponytail and decided to tell her and the organizer what I had seen. We talked about it for a minute, I assured them it was not an apparition, there was no need to call EWTN or Fox News.

As I turned to leave, the lady with the curly pony tail called to me, "What's your name ?" "TSM," I responded. "And yours ?"

"Santa Maria."

Pulled Up

2011-04-18T22:24:00.005-04:00

So, I've mentioned before that the girls participate in a religion class that is Montessori based with a curriculum developed specifically for children. The curriculum is called the Catechesis of the Good Shepherd and it is used primarily in Catholic churches but can be adapted for use in other denominations. The place where the class occurs is called the "Atrium" so that is how we (and the other families) refer to it. It has tremenduous opportunities for hands-on learning with several group rituals each meeting time. I've sat in on a couple classes, and it. is. beautiful.

It is amazing to me what the girls take away from Atrium. The hard part is that they ask me lots of questions, particularly about people dying and "getting risen up." I'm a little fuzzy on some of the Church's exact teachings here, so I wing it and when in doubt, I say "That's a great question for Ms. Linda." Ramona, in particular, will tell me long-winded stories about something that are usually about 50% correct.

Tonight's conversation started with the people we know who are only a little bit old and people who are very old and might die first. She also wanted DETAILS on whether doggie heaven and people heaven are the same or different and if they were different then how would we get to see Rudy and Selma there ? (Yes, Rudy died a few weeks ago. A post on that is in the works). I explained that every person and every animal we loved would be with us in heaven (yes, it's fine to gloss over the details with a 3 3/4 year old).

Ramona asked me who was the first person who died and I told her I didn't know. Then she started saying that she didn't know the first person who died, but she DID KNOW the first person who Jesus pulled up into heaven through the gates: "She was a lady, mommy, who worked with and loved the infants. But she didn't go to heaven first. JESUS went to heaven first and then PULLED. HER. UP. through the gates. Do you know who this lady is, Mommy ? Do you know ? "

Seriously, I was racking my brain trying to think of who loved children and who was the first person to go to heaven. Yeah, pathetic, I know.

The answer occurred to me and Ramona at the same time. "It was HIS MOMMY ! Jesus' MOMMY was the first person after Jesus to go into heaven !"

I helpfully supplied the name, "Mary." Good job, TSM. Way to stay on the ball.

I'm not sure what Beezus is thinking about during Atrium, because she doesn't always chime in with these conversations. But Beezus, at age 5 1/2 is VERY literal, so I wonder how much she is taking in. She is quite the expert on the liturgical colors, which makes sense since she can literally see those at church.

What have I done ?

2011-04-18T21:47:00.004-04:00

Ugh - WHY did I ever say that I was going to give up facebook and blog reading for Holy Week and severely restrict my personal e-mail usage ? Ugh - not fun. See, once I tell myself I'm going to do something, I have to do it. Now I have no choice. But it has been interesting to see how many times on Sunday and Monday morning I started to go to the computer just to "check my e-mail real quick." By tonight, though, the itch seems to have mostly passed. Interesting. I had no intentions of giving up my own blog posting though. In fact, I suspected that less facebook and blog reading would hopefully make me want to write more. So far it has.

Resolve

2011-04-16T10:44:00.005-04:00

I'm diggin deep to keep my resolve about me the next two weeks. Mr. Q is going away Sunday - Friday, then Monday-Tuesday, and then I go away for work Wednesday - Thursday. If I can just make it to Friday, April 29th, I'll have it made in the shade. I have lots of resolutions for this time:

Don't whine (mild complaining or statement of fact is acceptable :-)

Don't yell

Don't eat excessive amounts of junk food

Don't spend too much time on the computer

Go to bed on time

Wake up on time

Try to be joyful

Let other people care for my children so I can exercise and go to church. These are not strangers, they are people who love them. I am not neglecting my children if someone who loves them (or the occasional babysitter) puts them to bed. They will be okay.

I'm glad that this is happening during holy week. I've been on a bit of a spiritual high recently (I really must post about it, but it's hard to put into mere words) and I'm looking at this week as an opportunity to really focus. To help me in this resolve, I made a grid. It's a reminder of things I have to do, what other people have to do, who is coming when, etc. My sister is helping, my dad is coming on Wednesday to help me get through the last couple days, and Mr. Q's brother Bill and his wife Sandy will be visiting our niece (their daughter) in DC and will be around too. All of this will be helpful. It will amp the girls up to have people around, but having an extra set of hands is always nice. I'm 95% certain that I'm going to give up facebook, blog reading, and really limit my personal e-mail usage during Holy Week. I've done this before occasionally for short periods of time and it feels great. I've been doing really well eating healthy and exercising regularly - the exercise will take a major slide during the next two weeks because it's honestly more trouble than it's worth to get a babysitter for Jazzercise, but at least when my dad is here I could get up early and walk/jog in the morning. It will be a good laugh for the neighbors, if nothing else. The funny thing is, with all of Mr. Q's travel and my self-awareness, I've learned that the two days before he goes away are always the hardest for me, because I worry about all the "what-ifs". Resolve.

Awww Clutter and Awww purging shoes

2011-04-12T10:43:00.003-04:00

Awww Clutter did a good job last week purging her shoes. The final count was over 20, and although she hung on to a couple pairs for sentimental reasons, she got rid of ALL the ones that were too tight or didn't fit properly, and she also got rid of most (but not all) of the more hideous pairs. We first established that she was at maximum space allocation for her shoes. That was helpful to her because she knows she has room to purchase a couple more pairs, but after that it needs to be a strict one in, one out policy !!! We sorted shoes based on season, level of fanciness, and color. The only sorting we didn't get to was her sneakers and dog walking shoes. Best of all, I felt like I laughed almost the entire time and she didn't even flinch at the good humored teasing that I did. The funniest part for me was when I was challenging her to get rid of even more "summer wear, colored sandals, non-casual" and she stood very close to them and announced emphatically "That's it. I'm done with these. I'm keeping all the rest." with a gentle yet steely determination. Teasing her about her worn out shoes made me reflect on the worn out shoes in my own closet. I operate on a strict system of classification for shoes: black high heeled winter pumps, black winter flats, navy all season pumps, navy all season flats, cream summer heels, cream summer flats, etc. My total number of pairs of shoes is about 40, with 10 pairs being seasonal (suede heels, sandals, etc.). So I came home and put 3 pairs in the donate pile and now I need replacements for them. So, Awww Clutter, I am looking for brown heels (appropriate for work with a skirt or dressy pants), brown loafer type but with a small heel (appropriate for dressy pants and long skirts), AND brown leather loafers that work with casual pants or dressy jeans. I think of these as "fall/winter/spring" shoes, so I'm hoping they will be on sale now. Help me !!!

First World Problem

2011-04-05T11:36:00.004-04:00

I've got a couple substantive posts rattling around in my head, but for now I'll stick to fluff ! I love the phrase "first world problem." I think the first time I saw it was on the blog Laundry for Six and I think she was referring to having too much stuff ! In the past 6 months, I've scored a good lot on Craig's List and I've been the lucky recipient of hand-me-downs from two older girls in my neighborhood. I did a quick sort, but I really need to wash them all and then sort again by size, season and then see what we should keep and what we should pass on. The hand-me-downs are a great mix of play clothes, jackets, and a couple cute little outfits. Here's my hang-up: I have to incorporate these items into my regular laundry routine, which I already find a tad overwhelming. Luckily, I still have THREE folding tables set up in my bedroom that I used recently to get ready for a community event, so I think they'll just have to stay up for a couple more weeks so I can get through this laundry as well !

Be back in 2 weeks !

2011-03-29T14:02:00.001-04:00

Going Underground

2011-03-29T14:01:00.003-04:00

Later today I have to go underground for a couple weeks. Don't worry, I'll be back !!!

Independence Day

2011-03-22T13:23:00.005-04:00

I try to be cognizant of opportunities to let my children have their independence.

After much thought and discussion, the girls are permitted to play outside by themselves, in the front yard, with the front door open and the storm door cracked so I can hear them. I cannot see them, however, and while I make sure to stay on the first floor and listen out for them, and check on them every few minutes, they are largely out of my sight. They are extremely trustworthy about staying within our established boundaries, that I don't worry about that. Of course I worry about them being kidn@pped, but given the joy that they get from playing outside and my belief that they both know what to do if someone, anyone, asks them to get in their car, and the traffic on our street at 5pm, which is when they are often playing outside, Mr. Q and I feel that it's the right decision.

The other day I checked on them and saw that they were jumping rope and playing with the Dora scooter. I was surprised to learn that Beezus had been able to open the garage door all by herself ! I gently reminded her to put the toys away when it was time to come in, so I was SHOCKED when they came inside a few minutes later and the toys were inside the garage with the door shut.

Then, this morning they were both giving me a hard time getting dressed. Although Ramona has been putting on her own coat, shoes, hats, and mittens for months, sometimes they dress themselves and sometimes they need me to hurry them along. In exasperation, I set their clothes out and said, "I'm done helping you. Call me when you are ready to go to school." and walked out of their room. A few minutes later, they are standing by the front door fully dressed with coats on. Granted, nobody brushed their teeth, but they are still little !

I need to try this more often !!!

I miss y'all !!!

2011-03-21T11:43:00.002-04:00

Oh my gosh, I just spent 45 minutes writing a post and I lost it. So, I'm leaving you with this picture of the dry erase board in my kitchen which was part of my post.

Am thinking about switching to wordpress.

Joy

2011-03-03T18:23:00.005-05:00

It is dusk outside. I can see the darkening warm blue of the sky through the brown-black branches of the trees outside my kitchen window. It is this picture that pulls me into a reverie, as the Enya song "watermark" starts playing in my head.

The girls have come in from playing outside, their cheeks pink. At my request they take on the task of going back outside to put away the bikes, but they come back in to tell me that they can't reach the garage door. That's okay, I say, Daddy will be home in a few minutes and he can do it.

I feel joy knowing that my husband will be home in a few minutes. I call to check where he is, and he says he is around the corner. I grin, looking forward to a quiet evening: no exercise class, no meetings, no elaborate preparations for the day tomorrow. Just the usual.

The girls come back in, and agree to another task of taking their shoes outside to clap them together to clean them and then put them in their room. I don't expect that they will make it into their rightful place in their closet, but that's fine. They are still little and I am pleased that they are keeping busy with meaningful work that makes our family's home look nicer.

The kitchen is steamy with the pasta and I can smell the chicken re-heating in the oven. I am thankful for "steam in the bag" vegetables.

A squabble erupts but it is quickly calmed with a distraction. I remember the poopy underwe@r in the basement toilet and make a mental note to finish rinsing them out later. Even that does not temper my feeling of contentment.

I wonder what I have done in my past life to deserve such goodness. I give thanks that I find such contentment, such joy in the everyday things. I give thanks for the luck that I've had and the good decisions I've made. I give thanks for my health, the health of my husband, and my children.

But most of all, I just offer up prayers of thanksgiving and gratitude.

Celebrity Sighting 2

2011-02-20T22:28:00.000-05:00

This one is definitely real.

Mr. Q and I were at a getaway in Alabama (more coming soon) staying at a historic hotel that had been converted to a Hampton Inn.

We went up to have the free breakfast and lo and behold, there was Mr. Jesse Jackson making his own waffle for breakfast !

Woof !

2011-02-14T15:24:00.004-05:00

I love seeing my children reach developmental milestones and go through developmental explosions, like putting on their own shoes or coats, walking with alternating feet up or down stairs, initiating pretend play instead of just imitating it. I love the "explosions" that come where all of a sudden they are talking up a storm, or their vocabulary increases, or they have new ideas for building things out or blocks. Those things have generally meant far more to me than any sort of academic type stuff - counting, letter recognition, etc. My new standard phrase to explain this to people who I don't know well is "I'll put my kid's imagination up against your kid's reading level anyday, anytime, anyplace !"

Until recently.

The light that comes on in Beezus' eyes when she sight-reads or recognizes a word is awesome.

It all started a couple weeks ago during one of the many little snowstorms that we've had. We were hosting some friends (who were powerless) with a little girl Ramona's age and her younger baby brother. As is often the case with babies, Baby J. was wearing a cute little outfit with a word on the front. Beezus and Ramona were entranced with him and Beezus was sitting on the floor with Baby J. and his mom and she was pointing at the letters that were on his shirt.

"W"

"O"

"What's this thing right here that is the dog's face ? "
"I think that's supposed to be an 'O' " replied my friend.

"F"

"Woof !" Beezus says and looks up at my friend questioningly.

"Yes ! Woof !" said my friend.

My friend later said that she could see the light come on in Beezus' eyes and on her face. I hurried over and we all expressed our excitement that Beezus was reading. In reality, it was partly phonics and partly context clues that helped Beezus figure out, but it was definitely cool.

Since then, it's happened a few other times when it was definitely phonics or sight reading and not necessarily context clues. "happy" "love" "day" are the three others that come to mind easily. She also recognizes the first names of ALL the children in her class, both on a list and in her own handwriting and all the names of our family as well.

We have a new game where I spell words ending with -at and she correctly states the word and uses it in a sentence.

She still has troube distinguishing visually between lowercase b and d, and auditorally between p and t. But there's enough success that it feels good to her.

I just love seeing the light in her eyes. I hope it's the beginning of many more times like these.

Wife Number 2 ?

2011-02-14T15:21:00.002-05:00

As Mr. Q and I were preparing to go out for a long awaited date night on Saturday, leaving the girls with a neighborhood mom from the babysitting co-op, Ramona protested a bit.

The girls are fairly used to me going out in the evening: to jazzercise, a meeting, or out to dinner with other mommies. In fact, they can usually clearly pinpoint where I am going by what I am wearing.

But for both of us to be leaving is an unusual enough occurence that Ramona wasn't sure what to expect.

So, she told me that I should go out and do the grown-up things my myself, and that Ms. P. could stay and help Daddy.

"Just what Daddy would love to have," I told her. "Another wife !"

Game Changer

2011-02-02T13:19:00.003-05:00

Hey ! Did you know that I live one block from a fantastic public school that is FREE ?!?! One block ? Free ? Good school ?

And I might not send my kid there. She might go to the fantastic Catholic school that is NOT FREE and that is a mile from my house. A mile that is on a busy road that would require DRIVING her there or biking there.

See, we had made our decision. Beezus would go to the public school (for either kindergarten or first grade, still TBD) and after I dropped her off on the first day I was going to drive right to a car dealer and buy a new car to replace our 9 year old Highlander that has almost 90K on it. I was excited, I felt good, I had heard rousing endorsements of the kindergarten and first grade teachers.

Most of all, I was happy that our decision was made.

But then, the game changer. It was Catholic Schools Week and at mass on Sunday all the faculty from the school attended and opened up their classrooms for an open house afterwards. I actually GOT TEARY seeing the teachers at Mass and acknowledging that they were giving up their Sunday with their families to be at work ! Seriously, WHO DOES THAT ?!?! Lots of people, I suppose, and all the teachers I know work way more than what they are paid for. But still, I was touched.

Over the past few days, I spent some time re-reading this new "classical curriculum" that this school has implemented. I read the bios of all the teachers, including the EIGHT TEACHERS THAT ARE NEW TO THE SCHOOL THIS YEAR. I looked at their daily schedules, weekly homework schedules, and learning objectives. I read the 46 page student handbook. I was still excited but not convinced.

Many of the teachers have master's degrees and/or experience in another area of education. For example, the first grade teacher has a master's in special education and experience in a Montessori school. The second grade teacher has a master's in reading and spends FIFTEEN MINUTES every day reading aloud to the class. None of these things guarantee that the teacher will be "good" but they do imply that these teachers will likely have more tools in their toolbox.

Then, today, I went to the open house. I spent several minutes talking with E., a former CUA student who is now their resource specialist. Then I spent an hour talking with him and with the principal and touring the K-2 classrooms, lunchroom and gym.

Wow.

Because this school was built in 1943, there are floor to ceiling windows along one wall of every room. The ceilings are high and have plenty of blank space at the top so as not to overstimulate the children. The walls are painted soft shades. The classrooms were clean, free of clutter, and well organized. THEY WERE NOT OVERCROWDED. (I know it's Catholic Schools Week and they did a lot of work to clean, but still.)

The lunch room also has floor to ceiling windows along one wall (southern exposure, I might add) and round tables with proper chairs with arms.

The gym is gorgeous - a wonderful large space where the children have PE and where they have recess on rainy days or when the combined wind chill is below 40 degrees.

When talking with the principal, I mentioned concerns about quantity of homework. She said something to the effect of "Well, homework doesn't fit in very well with all the components of a classical curriculum on a daily basis. In fact, there is NO research that demonstrates that homework is even helpful in the learning process." I stared at her open mouthed and dumbfounded and sort of whispered, "Yes, I know. Homework . . . not that helpful . . . until 7th grade . . . " So then, I said, "Well, some homework does help develop executive functioning skills" at which point she nodded in agreement.

There were several other instances where I felt like the principal and I were speaking the same language. It. felt. good.

When we observed in the 2nd grade classroom, the children were in a transition phase. As it was winding down, the teacher said something to the effect of "in your seats, please" and put her hand on her head and started counting backwards from 5, with her voice getting softer as she did so. At 3, she leaned over to the only child standing and whispered "I'm on 3, you need to hurry. I thought it was a cool way to restore order and a respectful one at that.

But the best part, the very, very best part ?

When we observed in the first grade class, the teacher was teaching a lesson that was comparing a contemporary children's story (which the class was reading aloud together) with a Greek/Roman myth (one of the many that the children learn throughout the year). The children were sitting on the floor in a rough rendition of an oval. Well, some were sitting. Some were kneeling, some were wiggling, some were bouncing on their knees, some were slouched against the wall, one was even sort of half-sitting/half-laying in a way that looked very uncomfortable. ALL OF THEM WERE LOOKING AT THEIR BOOKS AND AT THE TEACHER !!!

When I called Mr. Q after the visit, he gently reminded me that I have a tendency to get excited about things right away and that perhaps we should let this simmer. He also reminded me that I have not yet visited our public school. I told him that he was right, that I would turn in our application and the non-refundable deposit and that I would visit the public school this coming week. But I won't write the tuition check yet. Honestly, I fully expect to be this enamored of the public school as well.

It's possible that Beezus will go to the Catholic school this year, or maybe to public school for a year and then to Catholic school, or maybe . . .

But now, I'm just. so. grateful. Grateful that we will likely have two wonderful choices to choose from. We are very, very lucky indeed.

But I'm still annoyed that I might not get my new car. Darn game changers.

Novena for WhyMommy

2011-02-01T15:11:00.003-05:00

I will be participating in the novena for WhyMommy - hopefully at her church, and if not, then from my home.

Although the novena will be asking for intercessions through Blessed John Paul II, I thought it couldn't hurt to include some other people in the intercessory list.

So, I found SO MANY other saints who had characteristics shared with Susan who will intercede on her behalf !

Saints who were mothers

Saints who were converts

Saints who were married

Saints who were teachers (I know Susan isn't a traditional teacher, but she sure has taught me !) (Good Lord, I went back to find the link I was thinking of where I reference WhyMommy and there were 4 posts that reference her. Sort of embarassing. One, two, three and four).

Then, there is also the Patron Saint of Scientists: St. Albert the Great; and the Patron Saint of Astronomy and Science: St. Dominic de Guzman.

All of these Saints, pray for us !

(I feel the need to mention AGAIN that I am not a religious nut. I'm just a regular person who swears, drinks, doesn't make it to church every Sunday, but boy oh boy, I BELIEVE !)

Wordless Wednesday - Falling In

2011-01-26T13:12:00.003-05:00

In which my kid calls my bluff

2011-01-25T21:18:00.002-05:00

Beezus and I were working on a little worksheet that her teacher sent home as an enrichment activity. Despite all the nasty things I've said about homework and worksheets, Beezus and I both enjoy adding these things to our repetoire to things to do during our quiet time in the evenings. (We've switched things around a bit so Beezus does hand work or quiet work with one of us while Ramona watches her 20 minutes of tv.)

The worksheet asked the children to draw a face depicting different emotions and to write what makes them feel that particular emotion. For happy, Beezus wanted to write "I feel happy when I'm happy." I thought again to myself, "Looks like me but has Mr. Q's personality." I could write for hours on what makes me happy, which is often a diet coke and snickers bar at 3pm.

When she got to the one for sad, she thought of a couple examples and I said, "Well, maybe do you feel sad when your Mommy yells at you ?" She stared at me for a minute, laughed/snorted, rolled her eyes and said, "No."

Games We Play - Part 2

2011-01-23T22:43:00.002-05:00

These days, we're playing:

Co-op sale
They take all their toys off the shelves and spread them around on little chairs and on the couch. After a few minutes, they then load everything into their car (which is the other couch).
Hmm, can't imagine where they get this idea from.

Sleeping Rudolph
Rudolph's mom (Ramona) tells him to go to sleep, but he doesn't want to. He (Beezus) eventually concedes, stomping off to his room/cave/nest (where do Reindeers sleep ?) complete with an "Awww, Mommmmmm."
I'm pretty sure this one comes from the production of Rudolph that we saw at Adventure Theater a few weeks ago.

Chatting
Beezus pretends to be a mom with 4 kids and a dog. We chat about our children, what they did as newborns, a new recipe we're trying, any problems we're having with our children, where we might go for vacation this summer. She usually stands with a baby on her hip while we're talking. Her husband travels a lot, but she has a teenager who lives with her and helps her take care of the kids.
Where does this come from ? Basically, it's a perfect imitation of almost any conversation I have at the playground, after one of their classes, or at a playdate.

One step forward, one step back

2011-01-22T22:40:00.000-05:00

Bedtimes: Generally very, very good.

Ramona's stubborn-ness: Better, but still challenging. When she is sweet, she is so very, very sweet though.

Pooping: Disaster.

I feel pretty, oh so pretty

2011-01-19T21:51:00.004-05:00

A few months ago, I wrote a post about praising children. My friend Therese left this comment that has been some good brain fodder over the past few weeks: "IMO a girl likes to hear she's pretty every now and again."

I've been thinking about that a lot, and thinking about how I can help Beezus and Ramona to internally believe that they are pretty. For as much as I don't want it to matter to them, I think it will at some point, and I would rather have them believe that they are pretty than not.

So, I say it like this: "Beezus, you are so pretty and those hair clips look so nice in your hair." or "Ramona, you are so pretty and that dress makes you look fancy." I wanted to emphasize that it is they themselves who are pretty and the accessories are only an afterthought. I tend to only say it when they've chosen a fancy dress or carefully lined up 4-5 hairclips in their hair - I just don't think of it the other times.

I'm not sure if it is "right" or "wrong" but it sort of makes sense to me.

Shoplifting . . . and Redemption

2011-01-17T12:41:00.003-05:00

I remember my first, and only, shoplifting incident like it was yesterday, but it was really 32 years ago.

I was five or six years old and I took a little round bouncing ball from Woolworth's. It wasn't even in a package, in fact, I think it had come from a package of jacks that some other child had opened.

I put it in my pocket, went to a roller skating party, and all the while that ball burned a hole in my pocket. I got home, hid on the floor on the other side of the bed, and that's where my dad found me when he got home. I can't remember if I told my mom or if she found the ball, but I remember us having a conversation about it and my defense was that it wasn't in a package but that it was just lying on the shelf. Her response, "If I found a tv lying in with the pillows, would that make it okay for me to take it ?" I remember being un-nerved that she wasn't yelling at me.

After my dad came home, my mom made me tell him what I did. This was a frequent M.O. for my mom when we did something wrong - no way was she going to run interference for us. I remember my dad talking on the phone to Woolworth's and he made an appointment for us to see the store manager the next morning.

That next morning, my dad didn't go to work before we woke up as was his usual practice - rather he stayed home and took me to Woolworth's. I felt the enormity of this situation. I still feel it now.

I had to tell the store manager what I had done, told him I was sorry, and handed him back the ball. I remember my dad and he smiling at each other and thought how strange it was that they were smiling at this horrible situation. I felt ashamed and embarassed, and that was the right way to feel. A little bit of shame is a good thing.

A year or two later, in my CCD class (that's what we called Catholic Sunday school back in the day) our teacher was explaining the Sacrament of Reconciliation. I remember clearly that she said "If there is something you have done wrong, something that is bothering you, you can tell God about it through Father and God will forgive you and you will feel better." I knew instantly that I would confess my theft, for sometimes I could still feel that little ball burning a hole in my pocket.

On the day of First Reconciliation, there were two priests hearing the children's confessions - one was friendly with our family and I didn't know the other one quite as well. I was the second child to be called and the second I went into the sacristy and saw the priest I didn't know as well (the sacristy was doubling as the confessional), I burst into tears. Through sobs I got the story out, he forgave me, and for my penance I was to say 2 Our Fathers and 1 Hail Mary. I remember thinking that was a pretty light sentence for such a horrible crime. He assured me that God forgave me and that I didn't need to feel badly about it anymore, so long as I didn't do it again. He also asked me to please stop crying because it would scare the other children !

The fact that I remember these incidents in such detail indicates to me that it was a profound experience and that my parents and the priest handled it the right way.

Now that Beezus is approaching 5 1/2, she is lying with some regularity about whether or not she has washed her hands, gone to the bathroom and/or brushed her teeth. It is incredibly irritating to me and it also worries me - the ease with which she lies. I've tried to stop asking her and instead I smell her hands or her breath so that I can determine if she's done the requested duty, rather than asking her and essentially giving her the opportunity to lie. I can't seem to get her to stop, nor can I impress upon her the enormity of the situation. I haven't yet pulled out the "Jesus will put a black mark next to your name every time you lie" but I'm starting to consider it.

I can't help but wonder if shoplifting something is the next age appropriate (but negative) milestone on her list. I really hope that I handle it as well as my parents did or else I may doom her to a life of thievery !

A big fat mess

2011-01-16T21:23:00.003-05:00

We have a lot of structure in our children's lives.

You all know about the grid, that Tuesdays are dress days, school days have oatmeal for breakfast and non-school days have cereal for breakfast. The tv is limited and only after dinner and only a pre-school appropriate DVD with 20 minutes for Ramona and then an additional 20 for Beezus. There are some colleagues at work who think I am rigid and that this type of structure is harmful for my children - I think it works great for our family.

Hell, I've even gotten better at getting us out of the house in the mornings. Still not great since we often have to wait around to give Ramona ample opportunity to poop, but it's better.

Bedtime has evolved from what used to be a calm, efficient process with lots of family time into a slightly longer, slightly less efficient process to an all out f^$&*@() MESS !

It changed into the mess when we got the girls new beds and Ramona went from her crib into a bed. Ramona's bedtime process starts at 7:30pm when her tv is finished. It's a long process: a glass of milk, a story, sitting on the potty for another story (around 15 minutes), teeth brushing, pajamas and diaper on, a song, and then she is usually physically in her bed at 8:30pm. If only one of us is home (which is often since I go to Jazzercise 2x per week and usually have a meeting or social engagement another night every week and Mr. Q has been traveling a lot), this leaves NO game time or story time for Beezus and after Ramona is in bed, Beezus gets rushed along through potty and teeth brushing and then she's in bed by 8:45pm and that's when the fun begins.

Ramona pees in her diaper and then gets out of bed to tell us. She sits on the toilet, we put on another diaper, and this process has repeated itself up to a total of three times on some evenings. A week ago they were still getting out of bed multiple times to tattle that the other was talking or because they had to go potty.

I have cried, we have both yelled and I have even screamed on a couple occasions - because my anxiety gets so high because I have SO MUCH TO DO and when they keep interrupting me it just means that I have to stay up later to get things done before I can go to bed. Writing about it brings tears to my eyes because I am so angry that this is happening.

It is not uncommon that they are both still awake at 9:30pm, and it's also not uncommon that Ramona falls asleep and then wakes up again around 10:30pm when she pees in her diaper.

We fortunately have a flexible schedule that they can sleep until 8am. But many mornings Ramona is up at 7am and sometimes wakes Beezus up too.

The few times we've let them go without a nap, they don't go to bed earlier. Ramona can do without her nap, but Beezus (who is almost 5 1/2) still really needs one.

Once we start dinner, pretty much every minute is accounted for, so in order to get them to bed earlier we would have to start dinner earlier than 6pm (which is hard to do some nights) or change our routine.

WHAT - change the routine ?!?!

My kids do best when they have more responsibility and independence. I don't put on their outside gear in the morning anymore as they are allowed to go outside and play once they have it on and Ramona does a great job putting on coat, scarf, mittens, hat and shoes and only needs help getting the zipper started.

We need to transfer some of this responsibility and independence to their bedtime routine, but I'm not sure where to start.

Reward based incentives don't seem to work for Ramona - the reward is too far in the future (even if it is tomorrow morning) to make it worth it for her. And I hate punishing them because if I tell them that they are getting the punishment, then they cry and I hate having them have negative feelings at bedtime. Also, because they are tired they cry even harder and Ramona keeps doing that shuddering thing after she falls asleep which breaks my heart.

What I want them to do most of the time is that they have to do the right thing simply because it is the right thing to do.

I'm hoping that this is a phase, that once Ramona starts pooping more regularly we won't have to sit with her while she is on the toilet for 20 minutes. What we have lost in all of this is time with Beezus - now that she is at school five days a week, I feel like I hardly ever get to have any alone time with her. She and Ramona play so well together that it is hard to have alone time with her while Ramona is awake.

I've thought about ignoring them when they get out of bed, but that's just so not the way we parent that I need to think about that more. The hard part is that if there is even a remote chance that Ramona needs to poop, we have to keep it all fun, and positive, and light because POOPING IS FUN, FUN FUN !!!

I'd love advice on this issue - I'm willing to try drastic measures at this point.

Please comment and leave advice !!!

Something had to go . . .

2011-01-15T21:13:00.000-05:00

and it was the blog. I LOVE writing my blog, LOVE it. But I couldn't seem to work on entries at a time that didn't involve me shirking my household duties, ignoring my kids or husband, or worst of all, not reading all the other blogs I like to read. So, it had to go.

I will try and keep up, but amidst the clutter of my head and the long "have to do list" and the even longer "really should do list" the blog entries don't come quite as easily. I do my best writing when I have an idea and can write about it right then, but that's hard to do.

When do YOU do your best writing ?

All is bright . . . "a round-up"

2010-12-31T20:19:00.004-05:00

We've had a wonderful 10 days here at the Quimby house.

Mr. Q and I have both taken off from work and I made a grid to kind of chart out our activities and our family time. It wasn't to the minute, but rather a general guideline. Previous times when Mr. Q and I have both been off from work and the girls at home it has occasionally felt like we spent too much time negotiating between child care, necessary household chores and the more fun household projects. We both want to do #1 and #3, but nobody wants to do #2. Anyhoo, I felt like a grid of sorts would help us structure the week.

On top of that, we had picked up "new" twin beds for the girls via Craigslist, and so that was that transition to contend with as well. It was a transition for both of them: Beezus going from a full to a twin and Ramona from her BELOVED crib to a twin.

In addition, Ramona had told us that Santa was going to take all her bubbas (pacifiers) and give them to new babies.

And in addition to that, we decided to increase Ramona's daily intake of miralax to encourage more regular pooping, so there would be that adjustment to contend with as well.

I don't know if it was the grid, the chat I had with our pediatrician, the chat I had with Ramona's teacher from last year (also director of the school and 35 years experience in early childhood education), the session I had with "an old acquaintance", or Mr. Q's satisfaction with re-painting our basement bathroom and putting in a new floor, but things are just clicking well with our family.

When Ramona was holding her poop it was really, really upsetting to Mr. Q and I. We were scared - scared of how it would affect her in the long term and scared that we couldn't figure out the right things to do. The increased miralax has made a huge difference and she is going on her own, spontaneously. What is really interesting to me is the effect it had on my psyche when I saw her feel the urge and then hold it several times in a period of a few hours - which happened several times. I felt almost hopeless and it was hard to think of anything else. If it was like that for me, I can only imagine the effect that a serious illness/condition must have on a family.

But, I hope that is behind us now. The girls are going to bed well (most nights anyway) and not only has Ramona given up her bubbas, she also hasn't started sucking her thumb as Beezus did when she gave up her bubbas. Ramona still asks for her crib at night, but she seems fine without the bubbas. She was only allowed to have them in her room, so I guess the only transition was at night-time.

The past 10 days have been a highlight of my mothering experience so far. There's been some outings, some playdates, lots of play time with Mr. Q and I semi-supervising and semi-participating as we work on other things, some wonderful family meals with EACH PERSON trying SOMETHING NEW (including Mr. Q !), lots of time with Aunt Susan, a fair amount of hang-out time for Mr. Q and I while watching last season of The Office and plenty of hang-out time for our family.

We needed this. I'm glad we made parts of it happen, and I'm glad we got lucky enough for the other parts beyond our control.

Children have not changed

2010-12-23T15:45:00.003-05:00

A topic near and dear to my heart.

I love this quote: " 'Despite technology, media and the internet, the way a child develops has not changed over the last century,' Marcy Guddemi, director of the Gesell Institute, says. 'But kindergarten sure has changed.' "

Read more here: Does teaching kids earlier and earlier really work ?

Can you find the rock star ?

2010-12-21T11:30:00.012-05:00

Beezus came home last week with a goody bag from a classmate's birthday celebration at school.

Her teacher does a LOVELY birthday tradition for each child - they chant a special chant about the child's age, they discuss unique things about the child, and the teachers cook a special lunch for the entire class of the birthday child's favorite foods. Parents are permitted to provide a cake or cupcakes and favors/goody bags, if they wish; although the teacher has requested that they are all the same and not distinguished by gender (no boy toys for boys and girl toys for girls). On Beezus' birthday, we brought in homemade cupcakes and she handed out a colored pencil for each child.

Last week she came home with a Hannah Montana goody bag with little things inside and a Hanna Montana napkin. You know me, and so you will not be surprised to learn that I was disappointed. This child has older siblings and I know that different families are different and certainly families with older children are different and it's really not that big a deal, but still.

However, this disappointment was NOTHING compared to the outrage that I felt next when she said, "This is my rock star napkin, Mommy."

Rock star ??? ROCK STAR ?!?!?

"Hannah Montana is NOT a ROCK STAR !!!!!" I thought to myself.

Jon Bon Jovi is a rock star, Perry Farrell is a rock star, Bono is a rock star. Hell, even the Indigo Girls are rock stars compared to Hanna freakin' Montana. (Side note: my first Indigo Girls concert was in 1989 at a small ampitheater in Tuscaloosa, Alabama).

I was *this close* to going on YouTube and showing her videos of any of the LEGITIMATE rock stars mentioned above to clearly demonstrate what a rock star is and IS NOT.

See, so you think I'm worried about the influences of pop culture on the developing mind of my 5 year old ? That is nothing compared to my worry that she might grow up thinking Miley Cyrus is a rock star. Excuse me while I go vomit now.

Mother Teresa

2010-12-20T11:04:00.000-05:00

Stumbled across this quote today from Mother Teresa:

Everybody today seems to be in such a terrible rush, anxious for greater developments and greater riches and so on, so that children have very little time for their parents. Parents have very little time for each other, and in the home begins the disruption of peace of the world.

I continue to be so proud of myself and Mr. Q that we stand fast against this force in our family.

It is sometimes easy and sometimes difficult. I particularly hate saying no to social engagements, whether for me or the kids or our family; but I hate more the feeling that comes when several days have passed and we haven't had any free and easy family time for snuggling or playing or whatever that we all seem to need to recharge our batteries. I worry that we should take higher paying jobs now to have more savings for later, to have a (new-ish) second car, to replace the windows, to have the brick repointed, to take a real vacation, to choose private school instead of public. None of these things are frivolous, for sure.

But those are not the choices that we choose to make.

For all the things that we do wrong as parents and spouses, we do this one thing right.

Prisoner of Poop

2010-12-12T21:34:00.000-05:00

I am a literal prisoner of poop. Not my own, but Ramona's. (My IRL friends are clicking away now because they are so tired of hearing me talk/obsess/worry over this).

If I'm not sitting around the house waiting for Ramona to poop so we can go somewhere, I'm following her around as she plays (finding a chore to do in each room) so that I can be alert for the change in her facial expression and/or breathing that signals that she is starting to hold it. And if I'm not doing that, then I'm charting when she last pooped, how many times she has held it that day, and tracking the doses of miralax and pediatric milk of magnesia.

And if I'm not doing that, then I'm feeling anxious, or worried, or angry that this issue occupies so much space in my brain. She's had poop issues since she was 11 months old. Seriously, it makes me angry to see how long we've been dealing with this and I haven't fixed it yet.

Yes, you read that right. When it comes right down to the nitty gritty, I hold myself responsible. And man oh man, is that ever a lot of pressure on myself.

I do have moments of clarity. Within the past few days I thought to myself "It's not my job to fix this, it's just my job to manage it" and that offered some relief. But then I find myself slipping into another room to sob quietly for a few minutes because she hasn't pooped in 3 days and yet again she was holding it in while sitting on the potty.

I have been to visit my old counselor because of this. It's that bad. I needed to try and find a way to let go of my bad feelings because I can't fix/control this.

"Don't worry about it?" you say ?

How about a distended colon in a 3 year old ? Is that cause enough to worry ? Luckily, she doesn't have that yet, but she could.

I have gotten lots of wonderful, wonderful, desperately needed sympathy and advice from friends and family. Her teachers at school are very accommodating in working with Ramona (and me). This will just take time.

I know how important it is that Ramona not pick up on my tension. Most of the time I do a fairly good job of that. She still poops in her pants a fair amount (a result of trying so hard to hold it but not being entirely successful since the force is so strong) but I have such a good system for washing out dirty underwear, it doesn't bother me much.

What is reassuring to me is that I have maintained some of my sense of humor. Exhibit A:
Ramona (and Beezus) like maps and Ramona's newest thing is to look at her poop and describe what state it looks like. So, I tell her that if she wants to make Alabama instead of Florida then she'll have to push out more poop.

Search: pediatric constipation toddler baby holding poop

Christmas Martyr

2010-12-08T14:07:00.003-05:00

Scene: Driving in the car, where all of our best conversations happen. Radio or CDs? What's that ? (Although occasionally they will be quiet for a book on tape).

TSM: "Beezus, if Santa doesn't bring you a Barbie for Christmas, then what do you want?"
Beezus: "A Barbie house."
TSM: "Um, okay, if Santa doesn't bring you a Barbie house for Christmas, then what do you want?"
Beezus: "A Dora house and a Dora swimming pool."
TSM: inside head: Oh, just like the ones that you had for a year, never played with, and I sold on Craigslist in August. "Um, okay, if Santa doesn't bring you a Dora house and pool for Christmas, then what do you want?"
Beezus: "A globe."
TSM: inside head: Done! (Side note: And it's already been purchased from CL thanks to Elaine who picked it up for me ! )

TSM: Hey, Ramona, what do you want Santa to bring you ?
Ramona: I will play with whatever toys Santa brings me.

Vernacular

2010-11-30T19:32:00.000-05:00

One of the many things that can bring a group (or family) together is some common phrases that mean something only to them.

Growing up, it was "tee-tee" at my house, not pee.

When the girls were younger and mospronounced some words, Mr. Q and I repeated them. So, quite easily a pacifier became a bubba; an Ikea washcloth became a fah-fah, and so on. We never intended for them to go to college calling items by our family vernacular, but I did like that our family had our own secret language.

Over time, some of them disappeared. Yogurt used to be nah-nah, but it turned back into yogurt.

I heard another one disappear today. For the longest time, we've referred to trail mix as "mix-up." Mix-up is typically a favorite after dinner snack item for Beezus. (This is not to be confused with "snack mix-up" which is a couple crackers, a few goldfish, a couple almonds, and a few raisins tossed into a bowl and eaten in the car). Today, I really rocked their world and put some "mix-up" into their "snack mix-up."

Beezus noticed right away and said, "Mommy, I've never had trail mix in my "snack mix-up" before.

I mentally catalogued that it was another part of early childhood slipping away.